Thursday, April 24, 2008

my faith has conquered fear.

On My Way Here

I took my first step
On that black and white kitchen floor
I sometimes wonder if that house is even there anymore
I had my first glimpse
Of love when I was five
I watched two people split apart
But still the three of us survived
I've seen the best
I've seen the worst
I wouldn't change what I've been through
I've touched the sky
I've hit the wall
But I did what I had to

*On my way here
Where I am now
I've learned to fly
I have to want to leave the ground
I've fallen hard but I've been loved
And in the end it all works out
My faith has conquered fear
On my way here*

My address has changed
Almost every year
I've found that standing still
Can quickly make a lifetime disappear
I'd rather try and fail
A thousand times denied
And this, whenever you feel pain
It lets you know you're alive
I've been a fool
I've been afraid
Yeah, I've been loved
I've been lied to
I've been wrong
And I've been right
I stood up when I had to


No guarantees
I believed that I would find
An open door or a light
To lead me to the other side
I guess that is why


vocals by Clay Aiken
music and lyrics by Ryan Tedder (OneRepublic)

Tuesday, April 22, 2008


towards the second half of the 3rd season of the west wing, the Bartlet administration and US security agencies uncovered a terror plot instigated by the defense minister of the fictional middle-east nation of qumar, named abdul shareef. the plan was to blow up the golden gate bridge. qumar, on the surface, was an ally of the US and abdul shareef was scheduled to visit the white house and call on the president and reaffirm their friendship.

president bartlet, his chief of staff leo and "the group of 8", which included the house and senate majority and minority leaders, speaker of the house, chairman of the joint chiefs, NSA advisor, secretaries of state and defense, came to a unanimous decision to assassinate the guy. after much deliberation on bartlet's part, going against his moral standards ("there are moral absolutes") and weighing that against the threat to national security and the security of america and the world. season 3 closed with just 2 words, "take him". against the closing act of "the war of the roses".

so there the alias people, black ops people that i know like sydney bristow and michael vaughn. they landed shareef's plane in the middle of bermuda, killed him. probably scattered his ashes all over and dismantled the plane into 20 different parts and threw them into the ocean. even his pilot had a qumari name and passport, but he's actually an american. that's how thorough those black ops people are.

so the cover story was that shareef's plane went down in the bermuda triangle and was never heard from again.

until a cosmic confluence of events and coincidences and a very savvy reporter called danny concanon figured it out. tracked down the pilot as an american and ran the story at the beginning of season 5. took him 1 year to do it. that story ran against the backdrop of the kidnapping of bartlet's youngest daughter by qumari terrorists/sleeper agents residing in the US. and as news of shareef's assassination juxtaposed against the kidnapping, of course the press asked, is the kidnapping a response and a retaliation towards the assassination.

well, my sister and i know the west wing too well. we've watched it so many times over. and as conspiracy theories surrounding m*as selam*at's escape surface, we can't help but draw parallels to the story arc i just wrote above.

well i skimmed through the reports in today's ST, and we were just talking about the huge number of loopholes in the report. like how in the world did everything work against them on that fateful day. the window's screwed, the CCTV's not working etc.

okay if it was really true, that somehow the fugitive in question is dead, no matter how he died, that this cover-up designed by our government is in the interest of national security, fear of retaliation, fear of more terror plots (maybe our government uncovered a plot to blow up esplanade for example). i'm all for it. and if the US can do it, so can we. (:

to quote president bush, it's the "war against ter-rr", right?

Monday, April 21, 2008

heading home.

been trying to gather some thoughts on graduation. and one thing that is unchanged is the word "grace". these 4 years have been the best times. it's a time where i got to know the Lord on a much deeper level, and saw my faith and trust in Him grow steadily through the circumstances. His grace has brought me through all things that happened, particularly in the last 4 years. and i'm thankful for His presence, His mercy and goodness, His great love and strength that He gives. i could think of so many instances, day-to-day, that i would not know what to do if i did not have the Lord. those instances happen on a daily basis, and even more so during tough times, like exams and trials, emotional turmoil and the things that happen in life.

so many things have happened. in school, at classes, in hall. at my extra curriculars. volunteering. serving at church's youth choir. going on exchange in the US. travelling. teaching. knowing friends. knowing not-so-friendly people. doing my FYP. at home. the death of siqiu, my unborn niece/nephew, and now huiyi.

today's vigil service for huiyi really struck a chord with my heart. all of us at bethany have been praying for her for some time now as she struggled with pecoma (perivascular epithelioid cell cancers), a rare form of cancer with no cure.

despite not meeting her or knowing her personally and knowing that her time on this earth will end soon, tears came as i watched a video of her photos from young, and listened to t. chiew yen talk about her last days and her gradual coming-of-faith while battling an incurable cancer and the strength she found in the Lord to face death with courage and that peace that she had as she left this earth to be home with the Lord. all these at the tender young age of 24. just a year older than i am.

as i watched her photos flash on screen to corrinne may's "fly away", her life, i noticed, was not that all different from mine. she had great loving parents, a wonderful sister who cared for her while she was sick, she grew up with many friends and she had such great memories. she was a happy, carefree girl, just starting out on her first job out of university. and i realized more and more just how much i want to treasure my life now and live for the Lord. because our time here is so short and unpredictable, just but a fleeting moment.

huiyi writes in her testimony,
"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”
Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me, “Write, for these words are true and faithful.”
-Revelations 21:4-5
by faith, i embrace this hope.

there's a tremendous sense of joy and hope and peace that comes from knowing that we have eternal life in the salvation offered to us so freely. this same joy and hope that we can have when our loved ones are being called home to be with the Lord in Heaven. where everything is beautiful. i know huiyi is there with the Lord, so is siqiu. and that imagery of no more pain, death, sorrow or crying is so amazing. this faith that we can have. this belief. how can we not have and believe?

huiyi's strength to go through the last stage of her life and the peace that she had, evident from her testimony, are just the proof of His grace and strength and the Lord answering prayers. and as i thought about graduation and stepping into a new phase of my life, huiyi will always be in my thoughts.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

be still.

Hear my prayer, O LORD
Give ear to my supplications!
In Your faithfulness answer me,
And in your righteousness.
-psalm 143:1


Deliver me, O LORD, from my enemies;
In You i take shelter.
Teach me to do Your will,
For You are my God,
Your spirit is good.
Lead me in the land of uprightness.
-psalm 143:9-10


For the eyes of the LORD are on the righteous,
And His ears are open to their prayers;
But the face of the LORD is against those who do evil.
- 1 peter 3:12


He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the LORD,
"He is my refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust."
-psalm 91:1-2


verses to calm the heart of doubt, which i sometimes find myself doing. how can i ever doubt the irrefutable Truth?

as the journey ends and another begins, i'm making a point to cast away unbelief and doubt, and to learn much more about the power of prayer and leaning on His Word so much more. and to consciously live for the Lord each passing moment.

it's the eve of my thesis submission. and a stillness and calmness takes over me.

the Lord is good.

"where else have we to go, where you alone have words of eternal life."

Friday, April 4, 2008


Well I can't tell you where I'm going, I'm not sure of where I've been
But I know I must keep travelin' till my road comes to an end
I'm out here on my journey, trying to make the most of it
I'm a puzzle, I must figure out where all my pieces fit

Like a poor wayfaring stranger that they speak about in song
I'm just a weary pilgrim trying to find what feels like home
Where that is no one can tell me, am I doomed to ever roam
I'm just travelin', travelin', travelin', I'm just travelin' on

Questions I have many, answers but a few
But we're here to learn, the spirit burns, to know the greater truth
We've all been crucified and they nailed Jesus to the tree
And when I'm born again, you're gonna see a change in me

God made me for a reason and nothing is in vain
Redemption comes in many shapes with many kinds of pain
Oh sweet Jesus if you're listening, keep me ever close to you
As I'm stumblin', tumblin', wonderin', as I'm travelin' thru

I'm just travelin', travelin', travelin', I'm just travelin' thru
I'm just travelin', travelin', travelin', I'm just travelin' thru

Oh sometimes the road is rugged, and it's hard to travel on
But holdin' to each other, we don't have to walk alone
When everything is broken, we can mend it if we try
We can make a world of difference, if we want to we can fly

Goodbye little children, goodnight you handsome men
Farewell to all you ladies and to all who knew me when
And I hope I'll see you down the road, you meant more than I knew
As I was travelin', travelin', travelin', travelin', travelin' thru

I'm just travelin', travelin', travelin', I'm just travelin'
Drifting like a floating boat and roaming like the wind
Oh give me some direction lord, let me lean on you
As I'm travelin', travelin', travelin', thru

I'm just travelin', travelin', travelin', I'm just travelin' thru
I'm just travelin', travelin', travelin', I'm just travelin' thru

Like the poor wayfaring stranger that they speak about in song
I'm just a weary pilgrim trying to find my own way home
Oh sweet Jesus if you're out there, keep me ever close to you
As I'm travelin', travelin', travelin', as I'm travelin' thru
- Travelling through, Dolly Parton

only now then i realized that Dolly Parton looks a little nuts, but she's a talented songwriter and singer. some people really diss country music but i like it. ok maybe country-pop, not country-country filled with guitars and more guitars and tim mcgraw kind of country. but rascal flatts and sheryl crow and carrie underwood are beginning to grow on me. and now dolly parton.

i love her perspectives on life through this song. (:

i've always appreciated american idol for educating me about many other genres of music that i otherwise, would never be exposed to. and many eras of music. strange but true.

this season's idol surpasses last year's, which was totally disappointing. jason castro, david cook, the young cute david archuleta, michael johnson (?) the aussie and carly smithson. my favorites. in terms of star potential i think the 2 davids stand a high chance.

ok back to FYP thesis. my countdown has started ticking somewhere in my head. 2 weeks.

note to self: DO NOT PANIC.