the end of an era.

been feeling sort of quiet and whimsical of late.

returning to a home of comfort and familiarity deeply contrasts with the nomadic lifestyle of discovery and learning when i traveled through europe for a month. it was truly a great trip, with lots of things to see and do, going from city to city, meeting interesting people, and witnessing the grace of God in cities with notorious dangers of robbery, kidnap, pickpocketing, fraud and so much more. and seeing the Lord's hand of guidance, as well as His creations being crafted out in the form of the mountains and valleys, rivers and lakes, flora and fauna, the stories of former great kings and the stories of the Bible, coming alive right in front of your eyes. and these are just the highlights of the the highlights. more to come as i blog city by city.

returning home was sad. especially when your last stop was the beautiful city of paris. when asked (at the effiel tower, no less) what were his thoughts on returning home after his graduation trip, my new-found s'porean friend succinctly replied in one word, "depressing". (:

well, i returned to reality. reality equals admin work, enrolling in NIE, going through a teacher preparatory program at NIE before starting my 1-month stint at temasek secondary. i wonder what are the repercussions of me going into teaching. would i have to give up my lifestyle of blogging and facebooking and chilling out at pubs? would my students respect me more or less? the education scene in singapore is rapidly changing and i wouldn't know until i'm in it. but meanwhile, i have another year of studying to go.

okay, reality also meant catching up on my tv shows grey's, lost, house, american idol and project runway. yep i'm a month behind. and not to mention the SATC movie, which i adored completely and watching it with my sister brought back many fond memories of discovering SATC DVDs and falling in love with the girls and the men and the clothes and the shoes. as well as getting educated about life (and sex).

of course, coming home also meant catching up with friends. i felt detached from everyone at home, even when i received my results and my honors classification, and not knowing what everyone else got. nevertheless, outside of being kaypoh, i love my friends. and it's hard to think about my friends from biological sciences while i flipped through our graduation dinner and dance photos.

it's hard to go from 4 years of playing and studying together to the real world away from the comforts of the walls of our school. but all good things have to end, and i'm glad ours ended in a most thoughtful and positive and hilarious way, not to mention i got sabo-ed onto stage to dance with my kazakhstan friend. and it set the stage for the beginning of our lives, sealed the bond that we had as a class, of 2008. and i'm looking forward to us getting our certs and throwing our mortar boards into the air after convocation.

a tribute.

i remember 3.5 years ago i stepped into the great unknown of university life. i accepted my offer to study biological sciences at NTU after NUS rejected me for medicine. their loss.

but in retrospect, i'm quite thankful that i came to NTU. there were lots of firsts for me. and this huge sprawling campus at the siberia of singapore holds too many fond memories.

i remember moving into hall 7 and making new friends. i remember louisa was my roommate and we had a great time sharing apples and oranges, watching tv with our neighbours and gathering in our friend's room to talk rubbish and sing songs.

it was the first time i was living away from home. and the feeling is both scary yet liberating at the same time. and that same feeling came again when i left singapore to study in seattle. it was a city in land of danger aka USA and it was 18 hours away with the huge pacific ocean separating me and my loved ones.

this 6-month stint overseas was enough to teach me about life, because so much was experienced and my eyes were widened so much. it was also the first time i was comfortable being alone and not feel lonely. that's my most independent experience so far.

it was also the first time i experience the fear of living in a country where people are allowed guns and tragedy strikes. not once but twice. and another time my roommate heard a gunshot in the middle of the night, woke me up and for the first time, i was afraid for my life and went to pray immediately for like 15 minutes.

(anyway too many things can be said about my trip overseas, so that's a story for another day.)

well school held many fond memories. i have the greatest bunch of friends and i really love my cohort for being so funny and spontaneous and noisy and free-spirited. being continuously fascinated by the intricacies of biology and God's work is something we share in common. that and those endless nights of studying and cramming and memorising. whether in our beloved old resource room or the new one christened "diamond", or in the libraries of HSS, NIE, library 2, canteen B (complete with prata and teh peng), or at starbucks eastpoint or burger king.

outside of school we had that usual fair share of gatherings, BBQs, steamboats, orientation camps, inter-school games, jam band sessions, trawling the flea markets and bazaars for cheap earrings and clothes, our favourite "i-scream" yoghurt with blended fruits. not to mention that one year of carolling during the christmas season.

my hall friends from hall 7 are the most eclectic and weird mix of friends i have ever. because we all have different majors, and we come from different backgrounds and have different personalities and interests, the things we do together are the silliest but nevertheless, memorable.

those nights of mahjong, drinking, playing silly orientation camp games, the infamous birthday celebrations consisting of soy sauce and a whole range of condiments, detergent, kiwi shoe shine and LOTS of water, lots of chasing and running and screaming. followed by the more subdued and mature cake cutting, photo-whoring and drinking and chat sessions. there were also nights of silly short-film-making, pretending to be soldiers infiltrating the girl's rooms, climbing the walls of our block, pretending to be back in NS and doing pushups. and the usual parties, steamboats, playing in inter-hall games, hall production rehearsals late into the night, watching the actors go through their lines till i can memorise them, carolling around town, late-night suppers, trips to sentosa for beach volleyball and frisbee.

well hall 7 was also where i met my first (and only, so far) boyfriend and it's strange that 3 years ago this day was THAT day. you know. and while it has ended a few months ago, i don't really know what to say about it except. yeah i don't really know what to say about it. of course it has been the one thing that has taught me the most about myself. the way i do things, say things, handle things, and my relationships with other people, and ultimately God. yes and i don't know what else to say.

(that must be the world's most incoherent paragraph.)

then there was my CCAs outside school and hall. welfare services club was a big part of my NTU life. we did so many projects. and we helped so many people. yes i'm sounding pompous but WSC does a lot of good. we reach out to so many different underprivileged/less fortunate people in singapore and overseas and i'm very proud of her achievements. working with the boys from singapore boys hostel was a great learning lesson, for me as a person, as a volunteer and as a teacher and i'm thankful for that experience. those miscellaneous committees i joined enlarged my circle of friends and taught me valuable life skills and lessons. being in the 11th and 12th management committee has also taught me those things on a much larger scale. the people i've worked with are amazingly talented and smart and i do believe that they are on their way to achieving great things in life. because they have that compassion. (:

and yes i did enter the Istana for the first time to receive the Singapore Youth Award medal of commendation with my friends for WSC's work. met ronald susilo and minister teo chee hean and other dignitaries. also made friends with eunice oslen (though i'm sure she doesn't remember me now), got interviewed by local press and so much more.

well, the students' union was also something i was kinda involved in, and i was thrusted into the mess of politics in the union and that also exposed me to the harsh realities of student government politics. like back in JC, running for students' council was a simple affair. this was a whole new different ballgame and it was a good thing i merely stood at the sidelines and observe people trashing and backstabbing one another without having fallen into that mess. but still, it taught me good lessons which will be applicable to the future working world of dog-eat-dog.

i'm sure i missed out many many things. but i was feeling sentimental 'cos my exams are finally over and i won't have to take anymore of it in my final semester and so this is the unofficial end to actual going-to-school-and-study-for-exams. so this is dedicated to all my friends from the school of brewery/biological sciences.

carlene, edward, champ, andrea, renchun, lanpei, huimin, angeline, samuel, weiliang, fish, gerald, fidelia, lauretta, kristin, saheen, kelvin, nikolay, weiqi, vincent, engel, tingfeng, wani, juni, ilda, kah suan, and ohmygoodness i cannot think of other names but there are so many more! but everyone from SBS class of 2008, this is a song for you. read the lyrics and listen to the song. you'll always be remembered.

For Good
Wicked OST
Original Broadway Cast
Kristin Chenoweth & Idina Menzel

GLINDA
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you:

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

ELPHABA
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend:

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you:
I have been changed for good

And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for

But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
And none of it seems to matter anymore

Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes the sun./Like a ship blown from its mooring by a wind off the sea.
Like a stream the meets a boulder halfway through the wood./ Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood.

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better.

And because I knew you:
Because I knew you:
Because I knew you:
I have been changed for good.

a video of the song sung by the original broadway cast in NYC. (: click to go to youtube page.


another video, tracking the rehearsals for the musical. a better hearing experience. click to go the youtube page.

engineering consent.

immunology quiz was a terror. it felt as though it was the actual exams already. and the count-down timer edward wrote on the resource room white board is starting to freak me out. 21 days to my first paper and i barely touched the lectures other than immunology.

welcome to year 4.

just this afternoon i peeked at this girl using the resource room computer and surfing a very familiar website. and i realized it was the university of washington school of medicine website.

she was finding subjects to do subject-matching!

well that certainly brought back a huge flood of memories of a year ago. where i was fretting over my insane 6-module-workload and exams, visa applications, MOE things, air tickets, accomm stuff. and i thought about everything i went through for the sake of my exchange, and everything i gave up for. somehow on hindsight now, it seemed like things could have been very different if i had stayed. or they may have been exactly the way they turned out to be.

it's common knowledge that things we do have repercussions. things we say too (today's incident involving my gd girlfriend and another friend of ours is a good example of that). my exchange has taught me so many things, and given me memories which i'd treasure for life, and opened my narrow-minded mind to so many cultures and places and perspectives. but there's always the sacrifices we make. the times i lost with my loved ones. the things i could have done as WSC's vice-president. the worrying that my family went through would be greatly reduced.

shoulda, woulda, coulda. why does "on hindsight" make it so much more difficult to move on?

anyway, i keep lamenting about how much fun i had in US studying. and for old time's sake i like to read through the things i've learnt or the work that i did over at UW. (: here is an example.

~

Qn: Discuss the origins of and the key figures behind the philosophy of "engineering consent". What is the underlying view of the public in this philosophy, and what are the best arguments for and against engineering consent in a democracy?

The key figures behind the philosophy of "engineering consent" are Sigmund Freud, Walter Lippmann and Edward L. Bernays. The origins of this philosophy came mainly from Freud's psychoanalysis of the human mind and the human condition. Lippmann and Bernays then concluded that the public opinion is not rational (as though in previous decades) and cannot be swayed using facts or reasoned arguments. hence the public can only be reached through its emotions, where images, symbols, stories that are relatable to the public and are able to stir up emotions. With these techniques, public opinion can then be engineered according to those who are able to come up with images that reach out to the public most effectively.

Engineering consent of the public restores order in a chaotic society. This is one advantage. It also puts the power in a selected group of people that have the knowledge and ability to engineer consent in a way that is "best" for the society, rather than let the power run in the hands of the middle class, who are irrational and uninformed, and hence incapable of making wise decisions. This is the argument put forth by democratic realists.

However, from a democracy standpoint, the philosophy of engineering consent is no longer democracy, because the power and rights are no longer in the hands of the masses, but the elite few who hold the power to sway public opinion.

~

you know i wouldn't rule out going to grad school after my bond ends and study communications or political science or something. i did get the best grade for this class on media, society and political identity, better than all of my other subjects i took. even in singapore. haha.

now it's back to the science. which i love learning it, but certainly not the memorizing part.

i heart new york.

another day begins in manhattan. we wanted to get to the statue of liberty. so we got on the subway after a quick breakfast to lower manhattan.

at the entrance to "castle clinton", which is where we get ferry tickets to liberty island as well as passes to go up to the liberty's feet at the pedestal.

anyway we didn't managed to get passes up to the liberty 'cos they were all given out. wasted trip as we got there too late. oh well tmr then. so we decided to explore the city on foot.

lower manhattan sights. the financial district. tall buildings everywhere.

this sculpture stood at the twin towers before they fell and this is what was left of it after they salvaged from the wreck. the eternal flame in front burns ceaselessly to signify the spirit of the american people.

financial people on the way to work.

the new york stock exchange. patriotism everywhere. me and my mandatory starbucks vanilla latte.

federal hall just next to NYSE.







after some walking around and shopping at century21 my favorite shopping center, we had take-out lunch like a busy working manhattanite and we ate it in this park! after lunch we parted ways because i wanted to check out the museum of modern art and linda wanted to go shopping.

so off i went to MoMA, before that i stopped at the hostel to drop off our shopping.

this is part of their outdoor sculpture garden. which was small. but still very good.



the musem's interior. amazing art everywhere. i like.

a huge wall mural spanning 4 floors. this artist was commissioned to do this work and he decided to draw stuff that tell amazing stories. social, economical, political, global warming, arty, sciency, you name it, he drew it. it was SO cool.



super power = america.

the following photos are just the tip of the iceberg of what MoMA offers. i love this museum. and i love it that you can take photographs.



















i stayed till the museum closed and still didn't finish all the exhibits. i very reluctantly left and went to meet linda. but on the way...

radio city music hall. =)



st. paul's cathedral. so beautiful and grand.



this is rockefellar center. this and the empire state building are the 2 highest points of the city where there's an observatory for people to go up and see. and rockefellar was this super rich businessman whom fell to a scandal.



walking around times square. yet again. i love the M&M's store. and those 3 huge walls of colorful M&M dispensers.

at the HUGE toys R us. so cute. =)

and that's another day in the big apple.

on the school front i'm still deciding between doing my final year project at IMCB@biopolis or at temasek life sciences lab. dilemma dilemma. sigh. and the lack of motivation to start studying plus the lectures that i can never follow 'cos my profs just speak too fast when they talk about cheem ideas and experiments.

i watched hairspray by the way! and it was good! (: loved the songs and the singing. i liked some of the fashion, but not all. maybe i'm just not a 60s girl. but i'm a 60s music girl. it was funny and meaningful and so fun. james marsden looks good as a 60s television icon corny collins, john travolta is just wacky as the heroine's mother, even allison janney's small role got me laughing so hard.

alright. till next time, everyone take care.