a fine, fine line.

There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;
And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye."
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time.

And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for.
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door
And walk away...

There's a fine, fine line between together and not
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.
- avenue q

ya know i actually wanna watch this musical a year ago. but there's just too many great musicals to watch and they cost a bomb. and now that i listen to the songs, it's really quite a funny and adorable musical that's kind of unique. so hmm that's gonna be on my list of things to do for nyc.

but more importantly, the lyrics really speak of something that i've never really thought about in that perspective. that a fine line is what separates the black from the white. where we have left the land of black and white, and now everything is grey.

ok i stole that last line from sex and the city. but like what sam seaborn from the west wing says, "good writers borrow lines from other writers; great writers steal from them outright".

***

there's something i love to do and i miss doing - grocery shopping. everytime i walk around the holland village cold storage where it is stocked with atas angmoh food, i feel so happy and the urge to buy everything and starting cooking and baking. it reminds me of my doing grocery shopping at safeway at university way and 17th ave and QFC at university village. my humble supermarkets in seattle.

i love every section of the supermarket. the fresh produce to fruits to cheeses to baking needs to vegetables to seafood (hunting for cheap fish and prawns!) to meats (i usually get the ones on sale which expires like on that day. hahh) to cereal to chips (kettle chips are so cheap) to biscuits (pepperidge farm and goldfish! and much more snacks) to ice cream (ahhhh i cannot forget the US$3 a tub of ben&jerry's, haagen daz, godiva - yes the chocolate brand has ice cream too!) to frozen food to the magazines (glamour/cosmopolitan/tv guide) to milk and vanilla soy milk to ham and sausages to fresh bagels and bread to of course, the booze (which is so cheap you can laugh out loud.). oh yes and the non-food items. those are less exciting unfortunately.

well today i had fun buying a bag of cinammon raisin bagel chips from new york at cold storage, philly cheese spread to put on my plain biscuits, some yummy bread from my favorite bakery provence at holland village.

i'm quite easily pleased, you know. (:

***

well FYP is slowly creeping to an end. i'm quite disappointed with my failed experiments which, if it were successful, would be such a nice brilliant end to my FYP, but after 2 tries it still refused to work. well, my supervisor said it would be too late, and i agree. but there's still a part of me that wonders if i should just pia it out. and try it just one more time. then i'm afraid that i won't have time to write my thesis. so good results or not, i won't get a good grade anyway.

hmmmm. anyway the weekend's here again. how quick huh. last weekend i spent it at the hospital and it seems like yesterday and now zeh zeh is discharged already and on the road to recovery. well it's time to worship the God that i love so much and learn more about His Word and to refresh my flu-stricken body and mind. (:

i left my heart in san francisco.

continuing on my series of posts on my very-long-ago summer trip in the US, i've arrived at san francisco from a short plane ride from LA. SFO is a nice airport and on the way to the city center i saw a city called brisbane. heh as if that short plane ride brought me to australia.

we made our way to SF's city center, passing the bay bridge and into a block away from union square. we stayed at the downtown SF hostelling int'l instead of the fisherman's wharf one 'cos we are shopaholics. haha. but this being my last stop, i've spent quite a fair bit already. but that didn't really stop me from buying more stuff haha.

by the time we settled into our room and made friends with a really scary roommate who adores darren hayes (remember savage garden?) and is a close friend of 'my chemical romance' frontman. and she's like them, punk rocker with black eye make-up, black hair and black tight clothes. anyway it was close to dusk and the wind was super strong and cold. strange. but we walked around union square and soaked in the cool weather.



major shops like saks 5th ave, macy's and high end brands are all located around here.

eekk why my face so big.

i heart SF!

dinner was at this nice place at the heart of union square. called sears fine foods, lonely planet quoted their prices as US$7-$10 for mains and i got cheated. we ended up paying about US$20 plus each. LP please update your resources! but the good was very good.

then we walked around for a bit more before retiring to our rooms for the night and going online for some research and face-booking.

the next day we were craving for some good dim sum and SF being home to many many chinese and HKers, we went in search of good dim sum and according to our sources, SF's financial district has a good one. so off we went early in the morning!

on our way to the subway station.

we saw a huge mega forever21, just as big as the new york city fashion ave one!

our brunch. was very. very. good. it's really comfort food for us. this place is called yank sing. we had a semi-hard time finding it. ended up asking some locals and they immediately knew what we were talking about. 'that dim sum place which is always crowded'.

mango pudding. cliche but good.

our tie yuan yin is yummy and comes in a stylo-looking pot. this meal was expensive again, but i didn't really mind paying 'cos the food was really good.

then to walk off our calories, and armed with a map, we decided to walk and explore SF's financial district, since SF is the financial 'capital' of US west coast, much like NYC in the east coast. we ventured toward the water and found ourselves at the port of SF.

port of SF has many nice little shops selling organic stuff, spices, bread, aromatherapy stuff and much more. i like. (:

the clock tower of the port.

the golden gate bridge's sibling, SF bay bridge.

the sea gull stands on one feet. yoga pose. linda the bird expert tells me that when a bird does that, it shows that it is relaxed and chilling out. how cute!

the bird expert and me.

that cluster of buildings is part of the financial center.

interesting art sculptures around.

it's a beautiful day. (:

the city gears up for the annual gay pride parade, which we attended on our very last day in SF. the parade is one of the major, if not the biggest, event in SF and the gay community calendar. and the rainbow flags lined the street that the parade was to take place in. market street.

SF's subway is very comfy! love their carpeting and cushioned seats.

this should be the SF district courthouse, or city hall. this cluster is called the SF civic center, which probably includes their government buildings, as well as their symphony concert hall, public library, asian art museum etc.





i like their buildings. and the space. not as claustrophoic as nyc.



more art around the civic center. this was in front of the symphony concert hall.

then we caught a bus to the famous place haight-ashbury. it is this hippie, fun-loving, cultural revolutionists neighbourhood that has very nice houses and hip stores and cafes. It has some strange characters, which is probably normal for such neighbourhoods.

i just adored the architecture here! they managed to make use of the slopes and gradients and make the buildings look so cool and hip.

i went to some shops and i bought a very comfy pair of wide-legged 3/4 pants which i always wear nowadays. and some ben&jerry's sundae.





slopes and more slopes.

houses here remind me of charmed! the tv show that i used to like a lot. heh. i did a quiz on FB and i turned out to be phoebe.

the sun starts to set. and we took a bus back to union square. we did some shopping and dinner at westfield shopping center at union square and i saw my very first mango store in the US!! i was so mango-sick haha after 5 months of no mango.and proceeded to buy stuff off the mango sale. yay. and also something from H&M. i miss H&M.

so now that i'm in the midst of planning my grad trip to the US (again, haha). well i'm going there again 'cos i'll be visiting europe next year when i visit my sis in finland and i'm not advised to go to south america. the other option i had was xinjiang/tibet, but that's out due to the violence going on in lhasa now. SIGH. so america it is. not that i mind actually. i may be able to catch some presidential elections happenings while i'm there. go to a rally or speech or something. and taking advantage of the very very weak US dollar. (:

oh yes. maroon 5 concert was suprisingly good! i really didn't expect much from their concert since their MVs are really disappointing and adam levine is deadpan. but he managed to work the singapore crowd and of course the songs were radio-friendly and justina and i spent the whole concert dancing and rocking. he's quite cute too (hurhur) but very very skinny. and i also like the keyboardist (who can play guitar also!). really like my seats cos it was the 11th row from the stage and i didn't pay a single cent! (: (:

ok the next installment will feature more days in SF. meanwhile let me go rest my runny nose. toodles.

abide.

the good friday-easter sunday weekend is here again. it has been a mad week thus far. the final weeks into the FYP deadline is starting to turn into madness. i've been staying in lab from morning all the day to 7-8pm. just doing experiments. this week i haven't even been able to work on my thesis at all. i'd lug my laptop to lab and end up not using it at all. and the reason for the neverending experiments is partly due to my fault for somehow screwing up my experiments. which led to horrible results.

well i did look forward to nightly marathons of alias. i bought the seasons 2 and 3 box sets for only $19.90 each, usual price $69.90. original code 3! eastpoint atrium was having a dvd sale so i bought without hesitation. ahhh michael vartan is SO cute and jennifer garner looks beautiful in every hair style imaginable. it's amazing how versatile her face is even though she has such a strong jaw line. maybe the hair people working on alias is just that good. and i must say that alias's blooper reel is the BEST i've seen. i was laughing so hard at their outtakes. they're all such goofballs. (:

anyway in the midst of all that i have been trying to be conscious of the Lord during this week especially. to read again John and Isaiah 53 and be reminded of God's love and the work done by Jesus on the cross to save us from sin and give us the promise of eternal life and salvation. yesterday was the first night of bethany's easter gospel outreach concert. and though it was tiring, all the saturday and sunday practices, the rehearsals, i find special meaning in singing for the Lord and the lyrics that are so apt and meaningful. and doing actions too. (: i'm also very glad renchun, my good friend, will be coming to watch the concert tonight and i've been praying for Him to be touched by His grace and love somehow so that He may come to know the Lord.

as i sit in the mount elizabeth hospital waiting room now, people are giving my strange looks. well that may be attributed to the laptop and all of my sister's barang barang and reading the Bible when i was throw out of her ward 'cos she'll be going into the ICU after her operation. and i also laid down and slept for like 20minutes 'cos i'm just so sleepy. i'm so heartened and glad that so many people are praying for her and my family. not just her friends but also my friends from bethany, pastor mitch, t. chen kee and a few more. i'm so thankful for my friends for continually encouraging me with wise words, counsel and Bible verses. and i'm clinging onto God so much more through this thing with my sister and finding myself trusting Him without fear and doubt that He is in control of all things.

"He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High,
shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty."
Psalm 91:1

the leap between time and space.

happy 29th feb. (:

today over lunch, joyce and i were just talking about those days. days of faded polka dotted skirts and lugging our heavy bags to tuition at mr. lim's. over prawn mee in ulusville, which took a treacherous hike at the back of biopolis and crossing the train tracks, making sure you look both ways before stepping on the tracks. what a mid-day adventure.

so 8 years ago this day, i was 15. probably had a long day at school. sec 3, can you imagine. and i'm glad to have my crazy bunch of secondary school friends. we have weathered much turmoil and individual epiphanies while growing up and yet still managed to stay friends and meet up often.

4 years ago i also had a day in school, relief teaching at my alma mater primary school. hmmm that's not very exciting, but thinking about these 2 days made me thinking a lot about time. considering teaching is on my career list for the next 4 years.

time is constant, but am i the only one who thinks that the idea of combining the 0.25 days in a year to one day once every 4 years is a little warped? who decided that such a thing can be done?

but through the years, i've learnt that time is not a fixed construct. i remember someone writing to me about this very subject. that the most joyous of times pass us by as a fleeting moment, never allowing us to savor the minute for a longer time. and the most painful of times seem to drag on, as if time is mocking us.

~

by the way, the idea that it's march already is starting to scare me. where did jan and feb go?

FYP is going into overdrive. results means clearing it with boss, and discussions with boss means he'll suggest more ways to make the results more beautiful and credible and publication-standard. more ways means more experiments, means more work for me, means more things will go into the thesis, means more writing and editing x1000, means everyday i'm swamped at work.

oh shoot. i just left my fishes in the incubator. and its the weekend. by monday they'll be 5 days old. argh.

~

we bid farewell to mingfei, the last of bethanyians to leave for further studies. he's off to sydney, which is a city that i like very much. if only they were less racist i'd like it much more.

mingfei, it's my prayer that you'd discover what God has in store for you and that you'd continue to walk faithfully with Him and keep learning and seek to be a testimony to others around you in sydney. i look forward to you being back! (:

~

the obama campaign is invading my email inbox with dozens of campaign stuff. i was wondering where in the world did they get my email add, then i remembered i signed up at his website when i took the political science class at UW, after my prof cited his campaign as an example of the idea of ownership and personalization in marketing and advertising, which is seen in all kinds, including political marketing.

well the latest slew of emails stated that the campaign has reached its goal of 1 million donors before the march 4th ohio, texas primaries. it's amazing that 1 million people donated to his campaign. i wonder if that includes me, since i'm the proud owner of...

in which proceeds goes to his campaign. (: haha yes. i'm all for change in america.

thank you alvin, for braving the seattle rally of epic proportions to snag me obama stuff. (:

~

had dinner at shoduko (i think that's how you spell it) with my 2nd sis and justina. before that justina and i wandered around kate spade and coach. ahhhh.

then we queued up for like 20 minutes before getting a table. the food's not bad. i love japanese food so all's good for me.

we ate SO much, complete with sake. cheers.

then we still proceeded to canele for dessert and we met yuan li! who works there. i love the desserts.

p.s. i love love love my N95 5mp camera. kudos to good lighting and macro mode. on my phone camera! can you imagine.

black forest - crepes with dark chocolatey ice cream and alcohol-soaked cherries. with vanilla whipped cream, dark chocolate pieces and dusted with white icing.

the winner - rose petal ice cream with strawberry swirls, lychee bits and rose meringue sticks. dusted with white icing.

yummm. good food plus crazy dinner companions = i'm a happy girl.

politicizing.

i've been thinking about the beijing olympics PR problems, as reported in the wires and ST. actually ST gets the info from the wires anyway, but that's beside the point.

the whole idea of numerous people politicizing a sporting event has been met with enthusiasm and disapproval from all over. this idea of pressurizing the chinese government to step up efforts to end the genocide in sudan and threatening to boycott the olympic games - i'm still on the fence as to whether to be for or against.

no doubt activists are getting desperate and it's only a morally/ethically/logically right thing for beijing to try and use their relations with sudan to negotiate a way to end the immense suffering of the sudanese people. i mean, really, if you could do something about it, wouldn't you?

but the activists are actively persuading top officials and olympic athletes to boycott the games altogether when the games begin in august. like the recent exit of steven spielberg as creative advisor for the opening and closing ceremonies and that open letter from nobel laureates and top leaders of countries urging china to take action. that really bugs me. the games is an international sporting event, where top athletes from all around the world come together and compete in a friendly manner, just like ms. universe, really.

so it begs the question - is it okay to politicize the biggest international sporting event, the most expensive, the most watched, the most prominent and recognized event? and use the event as a bargaining chip to end a genocide in an African country?

and i begin to wonder if it wasn't china hosting the olympics but another country, for eg. a european country. would there be such a similar proposition? and i also wonder why china had a media blackout for 2 days, where no one in china knew about the PR woes of the olympics while the rest of the world knew. and the subsequent outrage of the chinese about the media blackout and about the exit of spielberg.

i know the chinese are very proud of the games and their preparation so far. and they have been preparing for the games for a long time and i, as a chinese, rejoiced when they won the bid. but i also worry that they may not be ready as yet, having travelled to major china cities many times.

but as a major trading partner and economy in the world right now, china has the power to influence and shape global events and perhaps, end the darfur crisis. and i hope they do. not because they are afraid no one will turn up at the olympic games, but because it's the right thing to do. and i also wish that activists and politicians would stop politicizing non-political events. if there has to be influencing going on, it should be the US president and china president talking about it.

just leave the politics out of it.

+

speaking of politics, it's just everywhere around me nowadays in the office. actually not all around me. but it's uncanny that i was just talking to pastor mitch about the rigors of working life after evening worship yesterday and we got to talking about politics for awhile.

and today i was witnessed an exchange between 2 people that i believe was brought on by stress and irritation and just pure annoyance. i didn't think it was personal and it was attributed to the clashing of the 2 personalities. politics is just everywhere where people interact. and these 2 both have strong personalities and with that comes friction. i innocently stared at my laptop and pretended not to hear anything since i had my headphones on.

"He who is devoid of wisdom despises his neighbor,
But a man of understanding holds his peace. "
- Proverbs 11:12

+

i think it's such a joy to read Proverbs, because it's just filled with so much wise words. some of which bring comfort and peace to my stirring heart. (:

"He who trusts in his riches will fall,
But the righteous will flourish like foliage.
He who troubles his own house will inherit the wind,
And the fool will be servant to the wise of heart.
The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life,
And he who wins souls is wise. "
- Proverbs 11:28-30

and i absolutely love the lessons pastor teaches at ypg3. there are many challenges that come our way, and many difficult passages from the scriptures to understand in order to learn how to defend our faith. and as i seek to be a disciple of the Lord this year i really want to learn that and learn to speak of the Lord and His love for everyone of us.

on a completely different note,
"they're completely myth-ing the point!"
- pastor charlie, 16/02/08

(: