say a little prayer.

today, tears fell as i talked to 4 of my girls. 3 of them openly teared uncontrollably, and i had no heart to tell them to stop. so instead, i stopped talking and let them cry.

later the 4th one admitted, she thought it was weird to cry over the stresses of school work. so she cries at home, where her sister is around to lend her a shoulder.

what started off as a extended-remedial session turned into an impromptu do-not-despair-there's-still-hope session. i experienced first hand how important my job is, fearing that the inability to cope with stress could drive my sweet girls to horrible consequences. i drew on past experience to help them understand the things they are going through. and i hope i did something right - and helped them to strive to cope with the demands of their school work, exams, and everything else. to be resilient. so they can be better prepared for what life brings.

but i also realised it's hard not to bring in God and His strength and comfort. looking back, He has blessed me during my times in JC, even when i turned away from Him, even when i did not seek Him. i don't remember being unable to cope with the heavy demands of 4 A level subjects, students' council, band and everything else. retrospectively, i can attribute these blessings to God's invisible hand in my life.

as i spoke to my girls, i'm fighting the urge not to bring in the comfort that God brings - because i know my limits of teaching in a secular school, and that i was talking to my students in school. i know God's power and His grace will be a source of comfort to them in this difficult time. but i know just about the only thing i can do is to pray for them, and to be there for them. and that's a start.

I've always treasured verses like these, from Deuteronomy. this week's memory verse:

"You must not fear them, for the Lord your God Himself fights for you."
Deuteronomy 3:22

***

last week during bethany's mid-autumn festival celebrations, pastor and i bonded over the simplest of things. tea. and it came out of nowhere, but inexplicably it brought a great sense of joy to my heart. strange.

pairing different chinese teas with different cuisines is just like pairing different wines to different meats. a certain tea (long jing) is good for sweet desserts - like mooncakes. and pastor and i very excitedly discussed why this is so. or rather, i told him how the taste went and it was right on the money! then later, he brewed another pot of a different tea (tie kuan yin), came over to the group i was chatting with, pulled me away and got me to try it. :) pastor's so cute. and i went away learning more about teas, making sure to ask him about teas more often, and making a mental note to buy him chinese teas when i travel to china.

i've always treasured pastor and His ministry and service to the Lord as our pastor. of late, i've realised how precious this fact is. from seeing how other pastors from other churches conduct funeral services, and realising how pastor takes the effort to tailor each message to suit the subject (funeral, wedding, baptism etc.) and the audience, how he makes an effort to get to know the youngest of children to the oldest of our brethren.

and just last weekend, how he strives to do the Lord's work despite his health. on friday, i received news of pastor's condition (bell's palsy) that rendered half of his face paralysed. after much prayer, i thought he would be resting at home, receiving treatment and medication. but i saw him in the lift on sat evening, leaving church. and i was stunned. pastor came to work just a day after his diagnosis. i thought he wouldn't be preaching from the pulpit on sunday - but he did. i thought pastor mark/mitch would be teaching us in catechism class on sunday afternoon - but he came in and taught us from Philippians 2, on humility. and i was struck again and again by his utmost dedication. plus the joy that is so evident when he is serving the Lord.

"Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus,
who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God,
but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant,
and coming in the likeness of men.
And being found in appearance as a man,
He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death,
even the death of the cross."
Philippians 2:5-8

in Jesus we have the example of true humility - and despite the fact that Jesus had EVERY reason in the world to be proud, (and we, as humans, have NO REASON whatsoever to be proud), He humbled Himself, became a servant, and was obedient to the point of His death on the cross. and pastor really conducts himself according to his faith. and he is the example for us all. and that's why he and his ministry are so precious to me. and i'm sure, to many of us. :)

the bonds of gratitude.

dusk at marina barrage
singapore
july'09

's been a long time since i was here. it's been a flurry of activity starting work and all. coupled with stealing time off to have a family picnic, or the birthday celebrations with all my dearest friends. work can be quite crazy but somehow, i enjoy my busy days. it's a love-hate relationship.

though there's always a time everyday that i hate my job. the first 10minutes after i force myself out of bed. working 10-12 hour days everyday, 5 days a week, is no joke.

but with the Lord's grace and strength i will make it. :)

***

well normally when i'm feeling bored, or when i get the travel itch, i'd come here, post a pretty picture that i took during my travels, write a bit and go back to what i'm doing. nowadays, apart from work, i go out or i try and finish my mammoth 4-season marathon of House.

as a result, this has been empty for awhile. and only something thought-provoking would bring me here.

via mr brown's twitter, i came across an article posted on a local e-journal of sorts. and being a sort-of scholar myself, i took it to myself to read the entire article, which was very very long. you'd think the author, a published author, writer and english major in northwestern many years ago and ex-teacher, would appreciate concision and some form of structure and organization in her essay.

anyway, she laments about her not making an informed decision when she signed on that dotted line when she was 19years old, and later being confined to the red tape of bureaucracy, forced to conform to government protocols, ideals and concepts.

later, she muses about how an overseas college education can profoundly change a person. and in that process, she had changed. and she resented her bond period, but still dutifully executed her responsibilities. she was the 'reluctant stayer', even when in her heart, she was a 'quitter', at least according to our PM.

don't think this summary does the article justice. so go read if you're interested.

my points. i agree with many points of view. and disagree. i'm sure many scholars would whole-heartedly applaud. but i do beg to differ.

1. at the beginning of it all, we made the choice to sign on the dotted line. we had all the time, the reasoning, the brain that God has given us to exercise free will. and whether we have made an informed decision or not, the onus lies with us to live with our decision.

if we were ignorant of the consequences, the job that awaits us or if we haven't given serious thought about the 6-year bond period or the 6-figure liquidated damages awaiting us should we quit, then the fault lies with no one, but us.

2. i'm one of the firm believers of quality teachers vs quantity. it's part of my idealistic nature, but the cynic in me says it's impossible. even with scholars, even with the best grades and the most amazing CVs, when your heart is not with teaching, you are not suitable. period. and for a scholar who resents that bond period, counting the days, i'd rather see your students in the hands of someone who has the heart for teaching.

3. fact of life - you can never escape politics and bureaucracy. it's everywhere. enough said.

4. i agree with all my heart, a college education changes one in ways that may still be invisible to us. years spent in classes, labs, project meetings, FYP madness, hall suppers, late-night production rehearsals, inter-school/hall games, illegal bbqs on school property, organizing events, midnight birthday sabo parties, mahjong sessions, cooking and drinking parties.

but having said that, the privilege of receiving a college education is not something that is available to all. some work their butts off to get into university. and for someone who has had the silver platter handed to (me included), shouldn't we be just the least bit thankful?

5. which brings me to my final point - on gratitude. without my sort-of scholarship, an award actually, i would never had been able to save my parents from footing my tuition fees AND give me allowance. my parent's money can be put to better use. i wouldn't be exposed to teaching attachments to reaffirm my decision of becoming a teacher. and i wouldn't have to look for a job in uncertain times.

and more importantly, i wouldn't be able to get an allowance top-up when i went on exchange, and enjoy my time in the US that much more. :) haha. and this 6-month stint in seattle did change me, widen my perspectives and made me realise - i have so much to be thankful for.

jason mraz is one of my favorite singers in the world. he's super talented, has a great voice, writes songs amazingly well. while i don't always agree with some parts of his lifestyle (eg. eating only raw food, argh; his spiritual beliefs are kind of strange etc.), but something i've always appreciated him for, is his continued reminders to be thankful. thankful for the people around us. for the world around us. to show gratitude for things that you have taken for granted.

from my perspective, i thank God for His grace and faithfulness. He has created all things, cared for all things, and abides with me everyday. When i was contemplating about accepting the award vs appealing into medical school, He allowed me to make an informed decision through prayer, meditation and placed people in my life who fed me sound advice. even as a very young Christian who was so far from being perfect and sinless, His faithfulness never faltered.

and because i was at peace with my decision, signing on the dotted line was easy. it was the best offer ever - to get paid to do something i love. even in the midst of difficulties, emotional turmoils, neverending work, horrible students who refuse to listen, i know my decision was right, and i know God will be there to strengthen me for the things to come.

and that is why, the next 3 years of my bond period should fly by pretty quickly. and i stick to my choice.

pre-easter thoughts.

the insane week comes to a close. and what better way to end it. by celebrating the death and resurrection of my Lord and his work on the cross.

singing at easter's musicale, more than just a man, has been very impactful. i think the medium of acting and stepping into the shoes of a character is pretty amazing. to be a totally (ok maybe not totally) different person. and especially in this musical.

i remember distinctly a q&a sort of application/quiz that i did on facebook years ago. if i could go back in time, when would that be. and i remembered so clearly my answer was - to go back to the time where Jesus was teaching and preaching and performing miracles. and in this musical, i'm able to see uncle W as Jesus, teaching and healing and carrying the cross all bloodied and beaten and finally be nailed to the cross with all my sins. as a member of the crowd watching him, i could just imagine what a great privilege it was to be able to learn from the Master Teacher Himself. to hear Him speak and teach God's word. i catch myself being so mesmerized by the scenes that i forget my lyrics. :)

well, on a similar note, my prayers of late have been focused on being a good teacher to my students, and to learn from the Master Teacher Himself. always seeking to learn from His word and His ways and never to fall into the trap of being too-smart or too-proud or holier-than-thou or smarter-than-you.

today i taught my first integrated program class of sec 3s. it was daunting 'cos
1) chemistry is not my strength, forte, university major.
2) they are IP kids, supposedly creme of the crop.
3) my CT is the HOD of science, though he's a jolly good fellow, easy going and sometimes a bit insane.
4) having to plan and teach a 100-minute lesson for the first time in my life in chemistry.
5) my fellow practicum friend requested that she sat in my class, and i didn't want to turn her down because of my nerves. also because it'll be a good learning opportunity for both of us. so i had 2 people observing my lesson.

so i survived with loads of self-discipline to plan and research and come up with that lesson, 'stealing' ideas from the internet, periodic distractions of entertainment news and tv shows (HOUSE delivered a shocking suicide!), lots of music blasting in my ears (muse, coldplay, jason mraz, avalon, switchfoot, david cook), lots of teh-o peng and earl grey tea, escape-from-work lunch at old airport road and getting hazed by my own chemistry teacher who took my phone and hid it in his pocket,

and lots of prayers and more prayers.

well they all worked. although it was murphy's law galore during my lesson - i got generally positive comments from my HOD. and i thought the kids understood ionic bonding (crossing fingers).

ok the insane week actually continues into easter weekend. so it's all about planning and managing again. which i dislike 'cos my ideal easter weekend is filled not with work, but with the Lord and His people and His songs. but what to do.

ok i'm ranting. so i shall go back to my mountain of marking. and tomorrow i'll don on my jew costume and be a merry jewish girl celebrating the passover in jeruselum and hearing Jesus teach and rejoicing at His resurrection. Jesus is alive! :) :)

***

am i the only one who thinks that chris martin (coldplay) looks quite like hugh laurie (house). maybe it's the british guy look. :)

thoughts and epiphanies.

my 2nd week at T is coming to an end. so far, all is good. i'm thankful to be posted to T as my first place of work because it's in my comfort zone, and the staff culture is nurturing, caring and holistic. though there is a lot of work, and people do succumb to the occasional (or sometimes often) complaining, i'm a firm believer in stop-whining-and-suck-it-up!

after a series of websites-surfing i came across a page which totally just explains the state of our education system. all these whining people who complain and complain about the mountains of work that teachers have to do, and whine about our horrible state of the education system and all its ugly truths - hello! stop and take a look at yourself. YOU are part of the system, and YOU whine, so YOU are contributing to the horrible state of the system.

so until YOU leave the system, it will continue to be horrible. (oh come on, if you are having such a horrible time, any recession should not stop you from resigning. that said, if you're worried about not finding another job, then suck it up!)

it just irks me out.

*

anyway before i came across that horrible page, i had a sudden epiphany. i was reading david plouffe's (obama campaign manager) commentary on washingtonpost.com about the state of the republican party. even though i know that his commentary may be verging on a tiny bit of bias-ness (though his points were supported by stats), i realize why i get to thinking about american issues much more than singapore issues. it's due to the lack of social and political commentary (that is readily available and out there) on singapore issues. whether it is through blogs, news websites, on tv news, or even in tv shows and movies. singapore media, (biased towards you-know-who) tend to report on the good things. and i say report, not comment. and even the slightest forms of comments are the superficial good ones.

the social and political commentaries readily available on the net has been my source for unfiltered news. and no surprise, singapore-related commentaries do not appear quite as often. reading opinions and commentaries are the things that set my thinking about those issues critically. to be able to form my own opinions based on the differing views and opinions that i read.

so i'm kind of lamenting on the fact that i don't have access to the same kind of sources to get me thinking about the issues that affect singapore and singaporeans in that same way. and you may say that "why don't YOU comment on those issues." and i would say that i'm not smart enough to do that. :) easy way out. but also true.

**

you know you have had a special day when you attended a wedding service in the morning, rehearsed a musical of the easter story in the afternoon and attended a vigil funeral service at night. somehow many thoughts about life, change, salvation, and death comes to mind. and it is a big theme to dwell on. more on that when easter draws near.

***

work will be piling on soon. but i still need to have a life. singapore will be playing hosts to some wonderful people that i'll be seeing - jason mraz, coldplay, sam mendes, ethan hawke and the cast of the winter's tale, rachel yamagata. and many more for mosaic and arts fest that i won't be seeing due to the rapidly depleting bank account balance.

and my happening life has brought me to see 3 movies within the space of a week. marley & me, he's just not that into you and slumdog millionaire. more movies to watch. :)

****

psalm 23 is keeping me. :)

the liberal arts.

an article written by michael roth on huffington post struck me and made me think about the current state of singapore education's system, and our way-too-often-comparisons with the american education system.

i don't know if people (other than americans) know about the liberal arts colleges that america offers as an alternative to the conventional universities. my own understanding of these colleges and their curricula is limited, fueled only by the occasional mention of it on american television and movies. well this article attempts to summarize the benefits of a liberal arts education in the changing face of what the world demands of its educated citizens, prompted by the fact that many of the top brains that obama has chosen for his cabinet are schooled in the ways of liberal arts colleges.

well some months ago, the press reported that NUS was in talks to set up a new liberal arts college. well that's good news. any diversification of the education system is always good news. to step away from the one-track mind that the path to success in life is through the Os, As, and universities. i like especially the school of the arts, NUS high school, the sports school.

but more importantly, i wonder if the curricula of a liberal arts college, or at least its themes and visions can be applied at the secondary and JC levels of education. i wonder if we can attract our students to look beyond the facts, numbers, equations and grades. and focus on the why and how. the philosophies. psychology. sociology. the human aspects of what we study. the driving force behind inventions and scientific discoveries and great literary works and art (montmarte artists high and drunk on absthine does NOT count). to be able to teach the way DNA was discovered, and the tremendous impact it has on us even before delving into the names of the nitrogenous bases, the properties of DNA and the enzymes involved in DNA replication.

What's a Liberal Arts Education Good For?

Over the next few months, in homes across America, seventeen and eighteen-year-olds will be conferring with one another and with their parents about a life changing decision: What college to go to! After months of research, visits, and advice from "experts," these young men and women must now decide: Where will I be happy? Where will I make friends? Where will I get an education I can afford now, and an education that will remain valuable for years after graduation?

In this same time period, our government officials will be deciding where an investment in America's economic infrastructure will do the most good. Commentators from different political perspectives have often noted that one of the great advantages of America is its peerless higher education system. Although other sectors have diminished international roles, higher education in this country continues to inspire admiration around the globe. When politicians talk about this, they often emphasize the research output of large universities, but the focus should also be on American undergraduate liberal arts education. Liberal arts in the USA provide not only a pipeline of talented and prepared students to the great graduate schools, but also a model for life-long learning that other countries are beginning to emulate.

But in these challenging times, what's an education in the liberal arts good for?

Rather than pursuing business, technical or vocational training, some students (and their families) opt for a well-rounded learning experience. Liberal learning introduces them to books and the music, the science and the philosophy that form disciplined yet creative habits of mind that are not reducible to the material circumstances of one's life (though they may depend on those circumstances). There is a promise of freedom in the liberal arts education offered by America's most distinctive, selective, and demanding institutions; and it is no surprise that their graduates can be found disproportionately in leadership positions in politics, culture and the economy. A quick look at several members of President-elect Obama's leadership team can stand as an example of how those with a liberal arts education are shaping the future of our society.

What does liberal learning have to do with the harsh realities that our graduates are going to face after college? The development of the capacities for critical inquiry associated with liberal learning can be enormously practical because they become resources on which to draw for continual learning, for making decisions in one's life, and for making a difference in the world. Given the pace of technological and social change, it no longer makes sense to devote four years of higher education entirely to specific skills. Being ready on DAY ONE, may have sounded nice on the campaign trail, but being able to draw on one's education over a lifetime is much more practical (and precious). Post secondary education should help students to discover what they love to do, to get better at it, and to develop the ability to continue learning so that they become agents of change -- not victims of it.

A successful liberal arts education develops the capacity for innovation and for judgment. Those who can image how best to reconfigure existing resources and project future results will be the shapers of our economy and culture. We seldom get to have all the information we would like, but still we must act. The habits of mind developed in a liberal arts context often result in combinations of focus and flexibility that make for intelligent, and sometimes courageous risk taking for critical assessment of those risks.

The possibilities for free study, experimentation and risk taking need protection and cultivation. Looking around the world, we find no shortage of thugs who desecrate or murder those who seek to produce a more meaningful culture. And here at home we can easily see how mindless indifference to the contemporary arts and sciences facilitates the destruction of cultural memory and creative potential.

America's great universities and colleges must continue to offer a rigorous and innovative liberal arts education. A liberal education remains a resource years after graduation because it helps us to address problems and potential in our lives with passion, commitment and a sense of possibility. A liberal education teaches freedom by example, through the experience of free research, thinking and expression; and ideally, it inspires us to carry this example, this experience of meaningful freedom, from campus to community.

The American model of liberal arts education emphasizes freedom and experimentation as tools for students to develop meaningful ways of working after graduation. Many liberal arts students become innovators and productive risk takers, translating liberal arts ideals into effective, productive work in the world. That is what a liberal education is good for.

We were surprised last week to hear reports from several liberal arts colleges and universities that they had seen significant increases in 'early decision' applications. At Wesleyan, we were up almost 40%, an increase none of us on the staff would have predicted. Early decision applicants have already decided that if they are accepted at the one school to which they apply in the fall, they will attend that school the following year. Many of the highly selective schools like Wesleyan have robust financial aid programs, accepting students regardless of their ability to pay. In my next post, I'll write more about issues of affordability even with financial aid.

In these turbulent economic times, it appears that students want to know as quickly as possible if they are going to be able to attend their first choice school. Many of our talented high school seniors are doubtless deciding that the significant investment of time and money in a liberal arts education will give them the capacity for a sustainable and creative future. Perhaps they have something to teach us!

the demise of morals.

"i don't understand why they (young people) don't just ask their parents for money."
- some NTU girl, straits times 27th oct.

i was super appalled when i read the article. it was a piece about how the young people are not bothered by the current economic downturn. this young 20-year-old undergrad carries a $4000 LV bag among other branded goods. and sighs her way through the interview. when asked about how she felt with regards to her friends who have to work part-time jobs to earn extra cash, she sighed and told the reporter that line.

wow. every few years the young people of singapore will stir up some elitist comment like this and make me wonder if we are all forgoing our morals and integrity for material things. the last one i remember was the daughter of the MP who snubbed a jobless singaporean and asked him to get out her "elitist, uncaring" face. or something like that.

i got to thinking about my own set of values. and how it came about. i have done my fair share of sins when i was young. but ever since coming to know the Lord, i have set my values and morals on the Word of God. well it's a learning curve and a work in progress. but i'm thankful for this set of values that i have and try to abide by, for i know you should never look down on those who are "lesser" that you are. even if you do not have to work to get a nice LV bag because daddy pays for it, you should never tell your friends to ask their parents for money. money their parents may not even have for themselves.

humility is a hard thing to practise. and it's an even harder thing to learn. as educators, we are responsible for our students and to impart in them the knowledge that they need to go out into the world. to run the race with them and help them through every breathlessness, fall, sprain, stitch, pain and victory. but when it comes to the affective domain, how do we teach humility? empathy? creativity? loving kindness? care? honesty? integrity? how do we ensure that our students don't grow up to be soul-less, mindless thieves who don't give a crap about how other people might feel?

i know some are inclined to push this huge and heavy responsibility to the parents. and i do agree that parents play a very important in shaping their children's character from young. but does this let us teachers off the hook? don't think so. out of 24 hours, a child spends a third of it in school, under the care of teachers. so better share this responsibility. i don't quite like teachers who like to push the blame around, blaming everyone but themselves.

well this is such an incoherent post. well all i wanted to say actually was about that girl. and how i'm so sad with the demise of the moral values of our young people.

***

alright, the US elections provides me with endless entertainment and some of it is super hilarious, and some, really sweet. (: i'm almost halfway through obama's 2nd book and he's a great writer (much better than i am, as evident from this post).

and more than that, he's a great speaker and debater. i watched the final debate, and the final question on education. and he summarized his education plan in 5 points, elaborated on each point, then summarized all the points before his time was up. mccain tumbled through his incoherent points. during rebuttal, obama took mccain's incoherent ramblings, extracted out his main ideas, and did a similarities and differences comparison between his own education plan and mccain's ramblings. within minutes. and i was like WOW. he's super smart and a good talker. sounds like president josiah bartlet of the west wing huh.

shall i compare thee to a summer's day?

the fading of a summer's day
coastline of santa barbara, california

as i was browsing around and searching for a poem to read and present in communication skills class, i came across several that left me pondering about literature and the use of poems to convey emotions and ideas and knowledge.

in the opening episode of this season of heroes, mohinder suresh narrates his usual epilogue consisting entirely the poem "the second coming" by yeats. and the poem is SO deep and full of meaning that i'm sure the average viewer will not bother to dissect. besides i have trouble relating the plot arcs that are set up in the episode to the poem.

anyway, the poem was way too scary and depressing so i didn't want to read that in class (although one classmate read something along the same lines). i went for the other extreme - love poems. (: and after looking through several by blake and all, i chose a sonnet by william shakespeare.

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date;

Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;

But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st:

So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,

So long lives this, and this gives life to thee."

- Sonnet XVIII, William Shakespeare

it's a beautiful poem and i really like it. (: it makes me feel happy and warm.

***

the many lessons on metacognition, constructivism, educational psychology, philosophy of science and etc. have been leaving me with so many thoughts lately. sometimes i don't even know where to start. having thoughts is one thing, collecting them to put in a coherent manner is another.

let me sort out my life first.

democracy and education.

so it is widely known that singapore students excel in science and math, and often clinch top prizes at international competitions.

many countries seek to learn from singapore's education system.

so a delegation from the US came along, asking what is the secret to our success in educating our kids.

my brilliant professor quipped,

"we don't practice democracy."

this beautiful world i know.

Has our conscience shown?
Has the sweet breeze blown?
Has all the kindness gone?
Hope still lingers on.

I drink myself of newfound pity
Sitting alone in New York City
And I don't know why.

Are we listening?
Hymns of offering.
Have we eyes to see?
Love is gathering.

All the words that I've been reading
Have now started the act of bleeding
Into one.

So I walk up on high
And I step to the edge
To see my world below.
And I laugh at myself
While the tears roll down.
'Cause it's the world I know.

It's the world I know.
- collective soul

many insights to education.

and it's comforting that i see the work of selfless individuals,

working to change lives, one student at a time.

“And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart.

You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up."

- Deuteronomy 6:6-7