the song that told her story.

on the drive home today, i was switching between radio stations while i weave through heavy traffic on PIE. at 440pm.

and these days, when i'm on the road alone, i tend to listen to lyrics of songs more closely than usual.

and today i chanced upon a song that tells my story. and i was amazed at how it relates to me.

and yes. it's a sad, melodramatic, slow chinese ballad composed and sung by a singer i used to like. and now when the song comes up on my itunes, i'd think of things i'm not supposed to be thinking about.

如果你还爱我 - 光良

我带着一颗疲惫的心走了
我知道自己在你心里已不重要
虽然我们曾经相聚过
也许对于你来说
已经没有什么值得回忆

我带着一颗沉重的心走了
我知道自己没有勇气道别离
虽然我们曾经拥有过
但是对于你来说
已经没有什么值得回忆

难道早已注定 不能真正拥有你
难道我真心付出一切
是为了承受孤单和寂寞
我知道 你不敢对我坦白
是不要看到我的伤怀
虽然你没有说要离开我
我已经感到 你不再属于我

如果你还爱我 你不会对我如此的冷漠
又怎会让我在 漫漫长夜独自徘徊
如果你还爱我 你不会对我如此的冷漠
我只能含着眼泪 默默的离开

emo is the new black.

the title has little to do with what is to come.

you know it's kind of depressing trying to work out at SIA sports club's gym. beautiful the scenery may be, but every minute (or even less than that), an aeroplane whizzes past the blue sky dotted with white puffy clouds. and you know that plane is leaving for somewhere other than singapore, carrying a load of passengers, travelers, business people.

and as i try to work my fats away on the ski machine or cycle my thighs to great shape, i wish i was on the plane.

i miss travelling. i want to go to hokkaido/tokyo/kyoto/osaka (in negotiations with the folks at home) slated for dec or may (while not compromising on youth conference). i want to go on my grad trip with melody. our adventures in south america, caribbean and north america. i want to spend my holidays while working as a teacher to travel and see the world.

~

this guy just killed his ex-gf and all her friends at her house in wisconsin, USA, and critically wounding one. and then he got shot by police after a massive manhunt. but seriously, i'm sure such things happen in other places as well, wherever guns and insane/unstable people run amok. the US just gets much more publicity in the news. and at the forefront of technology, they will get the most criticism from global watchers about their public policies.

everything is a double-edged sword. from gun laws to the media.

speaking of which, president bu*sh just vetoed a children's health insurance bill. do the republi*cans really want everyone else to hate them? or rather, the repub*lican white house. wouldn't they want to exit the white house with more favorable evaluations after all the things they messed up? (ie. the iraq war and some insane senator and thousands of wrong decisions and the very very late action on bu*sh part to push for climate change to be on his agenda) i'm pretty sure according to gallup/USA today/CNN etc. their job approval ratings should be going down and down and he may surely be falling into a lame-duck presidency very soon.

let's hope for a democratic president to be announced in nov'08. obam*a/cli*nton yayyy. let's see who gets the nomination first. so exciting.

this is all west wing's fault.

~

pray for myanmar, would you?

~

i think i'm the weirdest person on earth. my coping-with-a-breakup mechanism is to watch lots and lots of tv and dvds. now that fall is here and the tv seasons have started up, i'm hooked on wayyy too many shows.

brothers and sisters
heroes
house
grey's anatomy
private practice
entourage
studio 60 on the sunset strip
pushing daisies

and still awaiting lost to start in feb'08. but it reminds me of the times we used to watch it together.

you know how there's no escaping the memories. everywhere i turn, go, everything (almost) i do, i'm reminded of the good, the bad, the ugly. i wonder when will it all fade. yet i can't bring myself to chuck everything away in the conventional ex-box. there are too many things anyway.

~

Leaving/Corrinne May

There's a comfort in this darkness
A familiar road
although i know that you are no good for me
you're a false alibi
you hypnotize and you keep tempting me
to throw away eternity

time to wake-up and shake-up
you've kept me right under your spell for too long
your promise is empty
go dig your claws in somebody else
'cause it won't be me

*i'm leaving
leaving this path behind
don't need your sympathy
i'm leaving
don't try to change my mind

it's a new day
a new way
change is never easy enough
but i'm not giving up
i'm growing and i'm sowing
seeds of life beyond this shell
i'm going to be free
breakout from this cell

shake my faith
you're never going to break me
take my strength
you're never going to make me
turn my back away from the truth
i won't play your games
i'm nobody's fool

i'm leaving
leaving this path behind
don't need your sympathy
i'm leaving
don't try to change my mind

i'm leaving this path behind

forgive.

"Can you really forgive if you can't forget?"
- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

recently, i got into thinking about forgiveness. this lofty idea that seems to roll off your tongue, "i forgive you". but what does it really mean to forgive a person? a wrongdoing? a mistake?

sometimes we just want to forget and hope that that takes care of the forgiveness part as well. throw it into the back of our minds and lock it up and throw away the key.

sometimes we unknowingly bear grudges. our heart turns and twists with every mention of the "thing" and when that moment passes, everything returns to normal.

sometimes that very "thing" that we chose to avoid or forget just creeps into our thoughts when our minds drift. and it invades your head and does the things that viruses do. tear your heart and mind apart.

i struggle with the idea of forgiveness a lot. i have given up on the idea of forgetness. because that is just impossible.

i just rewatched an episode of House season 3. this guy has a heart attack everytime the girl he loves is around him physically. and because (he thought) the girl is engaged to his brother, and in order to cure him, the doctors shocked his brain so that the memories of his family, job, friends are all erased, along with his secret love for the girl. and that was the only way to stop the heart attacks that would have killed him.

amnesia, blunt force trauma to the head, alzheimer's disease and the above scenario - the only methods to forget. for real.

so if we can't forget, how can we ever forgive a person? that's the question asked by popular culture. and the cliche phrase of "forgive and forget".

is cutting out that person/thing from your life the answer? that constitutes forgetness, and i wouldn't think it works.

Nora Walker, the matriarch in the show Brothers and Sisters, said the key to moving on and forgiving is to let go. of course she had to let her deceased-cheating-husband-who-had-an-affair-for-20-years go and move on with her life. later in the season, she very nicely told "the other woman" to also let him go, of course after a exciting food fight, literally.

thinking about forgiveness ultimately makes me think of Jesus. Jesus who said when he was nailed to the cross.

"Father, forgive them for they do not know what they do"
- Luke 23:24

Jesus, a shining example of blamelessness (which is something i also struggled with all the time), big-hearted, forgiving. and if our aim is to be Christ-like, and because we were made in His image, the ability of forgiving should not be out of reach.

it's so amazing, God's love for us. He is so ready to forgive us of our sins and transgressions. a clean slate, each and every time. all we need to do is to ask of it in prayer, with all sincerity, honesty and earnest-y.

"For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive,And abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You."
- Psalm 86:5

"I write to you, little children,
Because your sins are forgiven you for His name’s sake.
I write to you, fathers,
Because you have known Him who is from the beginning.
I write to you, young men,
Because you have overcome the wicked one.
I write to you, little children,
Because you have known the Father. "
- 1 John 2:12-13

again i'm reminded about the message preached during morning worship 2 weeks ago. and here it adds that our sins are forgiven for His name's sake.

"For Your name’s sake, O LORD,
Pardon my iniquity, for it is great. " -Psalm 25:11

He has forgiven us, for His name's sake. and He will bless us, for His name's sake. what wonderful grace.

how great is His name. =)

vegas, baby!

las vegas itself isn't all that interesting to me. but we made the most of it by indulging in shopping, snapping and eating. and loving the air-conditioned hotels.

our first touristy stop is the madame tussands wax museum, located in the Venetian. it was not too bad and some of them were SO real, it's quite scary.

it's captain jack sparrow! (:

i'm really quite short. and i stopped liking br*ad pitt after he dumped jen*nifer ani*ston. what's with guys who dump lovely girls? they're idiots.

a chapel like place with george clooney as the groom. that's the best thing if i was 20 years older and the person is real.

princess diana and me. she has a red hat, so do i.

press secretary? not the first lady 'cos i'll definitely not marry a republican. much less bush.

i forgot his name. but he's one of the founding fathers of USA.

outdoor shot of the Venetian, one of the nice hotels modeled after viennese architecture.

us outside the wax museum.

the strip traffic.

sights of las vegas hotels.



shopping complex lobby of caesar's palace. roman architecture, of course.





the shopping in vegas is fabulous. all the brands are there.

and they are all the size of vivocity. and that's just the shopping center part.





outside the shopping place. the sun is setting. (:

waiting for the bellagio musical fountain. it's very very beautiful and graceful. if you watched ocean's 13 it was also featured there.

the bellagio hotel lobby ceiling. looks like it's from the same artist as the ones who did the tacoma glass museum bridge.

the star-spangled banner.

parisian-design hotel, complete with the icon of paris.

the bellagio on the right, planet hollywood on the left.

new york-themed hotel, with the statue of liberty, manhattan architecture and skyline, and a roller-coaster.

the next day we explored the old las vegas, located in downtown las vegas.

seems very dreary. and ancient. not much hustle and bustle.




there are remnants of the old days, like dodgy casinos and all. i walk around and i can imagine how this place used to be the strip that they have now.

on the way back to the strip. nothing but desert land.

egyptian-themed hotel called the luxor. complete with the sphinx and pyramids. it's a hot hot day.

hence it's time for cold stone ice cream (my favorite!!) but it was so hot, it melted so fast. =(

hiding in the statue's shade.

a bar in MGM grand the hotel. my favorite tv show!!

and because MGM grand's logo is a roaring lion, they have a lion habitat in the casino. where 2 lions come every night from another place and entertain the crowds. they are really quite cute. (:

and they feast on red meat. and play with giant red balls. so cute.

till next time, everyone take care. while i go try to study.
p.s. the tv show studio 60 on the sunset strip is SO nice i feel like buying the dvds from amazon. somebody stop me from watching entourage. and get me episodes from grey's anatomy, house, heroes and brothers and sisters. argh.

end of nuah.

it's tragic that the mid-term break is ending. it seemed to pass super fast. although i was determined to do as little work as possible and do things that i love, before i have to face the exams prep.

recap: there were many days of just nuah-ing at home, watching dvds. i did study for one afternoon with carlene. plus my first ever pedicure, which made my toes so pretty in the shiny chocolatey-brown shade. there was WSC's thank you dinner to our volunteers and my official stepping down event. there was a meetup with my sec sch friends which was nice. plus celebrating mid-autumn's festival in our garden complete with yummy mooncakes nice tea, a not-so-round moon and hugo trying to poke his big head in everyone's business and lap. and carlene's mum was nice enough to sponsor hugo some doggie mooncakes from her new business. so all you people with dogs!! if you want nice food for your dogs look for meeee! trust me, hugo enjoyed his mooncake so much. that silly dog of mine. (:

anyway my brothers and sisters dvd boxset came in the mail! way in advance of the 5th oct estimated shipment arrival date. i was so surprised to see it and i think i got it at the same time as the US people. and i love it. (: ahhhh. and i've been whining to people that i wished i was in the US right now because this week is where all the tv shows broadcast their season premeires! i do miss my US days a lot. where i can laze in front of the tv after dinner and eat a pint of ben&jerry's straight from the tub.

speaking of which, here are some of the first photos of las vegas. more to come.

after touching down at las vegas international airport, we waited SO long for the shuttle that would take us to our hotel. and when we finally do check-in (there was this cute guy that looked SO much like josh groban, i can still remember after so long haha.) and settle in it was approaching nightfall. so we ventured out on foot in search of dinner, still feeling that residual hot air from the afternoon sun.



aka "the strip". where most hotels and casinos are. they all line up along this long street called las vegas boulevard. here you find all the familiar names - bellagio, venetian, treasure island, the wynn and so many more. photos to come. and you'd find all these familiar if you watch CSI, ocean's 11, 12, 13 or Las Vegas.

we stayed at circus circus, which is towards one end of the strip. hence traffic is not so congested. plus rooms are cheaper. and we could afford a 3 star hotel with 2 queen size beds. very very comfy.



new kid on the block. or shall we say new kid on the strip. the latest addition to the trip is called "wynn". the last name of the guy who built it. it's really a beautiful hotel. i don't usually use the word beautiful for buildings. but it is really beautiful.

the night scene. everything is lighted up. it's really what you see on tv. all the bright lights and neon signs. blatant advertisement for s*ex and all. it is truly a city of sin. and i don't know why, the road is always jammed at night.

the next day we woke up late to recover from the semi-hectic travelling at new york, and we had buffet lunch at our hotel, which was cheap but not very good. but with food, we are always contented. so to work it off we decided to walk and explore the strip. BAD IDEA. the sun is SO hot (about 35 degrees C) and it's SO dry (about 8% humidity) i nearly wanted to faint. i've never finished my bottle of hot SO fast before.

here at the man-made waterfalls of wynn. don't be fooled by the smiles. it was HOT.

so we were always more than willing to walk into the hotels for some air-con. so typical singaporean. after wynn, the next hotel we explored was the venetian. here you can ride gondolas in the hotel's little river. very nice, but totally artificial.

ok. got many many more photos. but now is time for the new episode of grey's anatomy!

argh. school. presentations. research papers.

focus on the Lord!