tumblr(ing) down the rabbit hole.

http://replete.tumblr.com/

a cleaner interface. convenient posting on iphone and chrome toolbar extension.

i like.

nostalgic about the needle.

the seattle skyline

as seen from a ferryboat on puget sound

may'07

suddenly, i get hit with a wave of nostalgia.

and i'm yearning to head overseas to study again. contemplating a liberal arts program.

at the end of all things good,

the holidays are here and i finally have time to come here. my sanctuary.

the last 10 weeks have been kind of crazy. sometimes, i enjoy my work and the people i get to work with (students and colleagues alike) so much that i forget that it's not always a bed of roses. the stresses of working, the burden that i carry whenever i get reminded that my work deals with the lives of young people, that nagging need to strive for perfection and acceptance, that want to bring glory to the Lord and live my life as a testimony to the grace that i've been given.

sometimes, i'm glad i have a (physical) place to turn to in the middle of the work day. to reflect. think. cry out. pray. whenever a silly mistake was made. whenever big mistakes were made. whenever.

***

watching the whole slew of season and series finales the past few weeks to destress from work. thankful. 4 outstanding finales ought to be mentioned here.

1. house - just because it was shot entirely with a DSLR in HD. the canon 5d mkII was used, together with a mix of canon primes (i suspect they are below f1.4) and zeiss zooms (24-70mm, 70-200mm, if memory serves me well). the result was no different from the regular tv shows, but with an added bonus. the tremendous f-stops used ensured amazing an array of depths of field. and even though some scenes may seem out of focus, it fit into the storyline well. and did i mention cuddy and house are finally trying to make it work? :)

2. flashforward - went out with a cliffhanger-open-to-interpretation. the practicalities and business of broadcast media in america led to the axing of a once-promising show. and i'm still quite sad. the show was bouncing back from a few episodes of bad writing and script, but got axed way too soon. farewell flashforward.

3. lost - went out with a poignant smile, fully redeemed. in the end, the important questions were answered. the flash-sideways world was explained. our characters got the redemption they needed. and they moved on, together, to whatever comes after.

after all the adventure, mythology, spirituality, science, faith, philosophy, history, and the countless lessons and knowledge i've picked up watching the series, there are no regrets, no yearning for more (like i usually do with series finales), no burning questions (just a few small ones to satisfy my science brain), but just a quiet, poignant smile as jack closed his eyes and step into the light.

it also reminds me of being redeemed by the blood of Christ, reconciled with God, justified by faith, and the life in Heaven that awaits after we are done in this life. i used to struggle with the reality of a Heavenly Kingdom where there are no tears and sorrow, no sadness and fears. but God, sitting on His throne, where the angels sing and i can find rest for all eternity. though i still struggle with this sometimes (thanks to my science brain), i'm glad for a tv show that can remind me of this fact.

4. grey's anatomy - the season finale left me at the edge of my seat as charles, alex and derek lay dying and a grieving man who lost his wife went on a 2-hr (unrealistic, yes. pumps up the drama equation, yes.) shooting rampage in the hospital before committing suicide.

after i finished the show and started to think about what i saw, i got these flashbacks to the time where i was on exchange in the US. sitting in my poli-sci class, reading breaking news off my classmate's laptops about a shooting that happened on campus. MY campus. and i was ON campus, not at home. without details, my mind started to go crazy. is the gun man still going around shooting people? is he going to walk into my classroom with that loaded gun? it was a crazy time and i hardly paid attention. when i finally got hold of the details, the gun man had shot himself after he shot his ex-girlfriend in the chest 5 times, an ex-girlfriend he had been stalking. i'll never forget those crazy minutes (40 or so minutes) of fearing for my life.

and a few weeks later, the virginia tech massacre happened across the country i was in. my nightmare. and it is a sobering wakeup call for america to rethink its gun and ammunition laws. and it's also a gentle prod to be thankful for singapore.

ETA: i'm shaking my head as i type this after i saw a CNN breaking news tweet about a man going on a shooting rampage in the cumbria region of the UK, killing 12 people. they just found the shooter's body. cumbria is the region where lake district is, a beautiful place i visited last year. it's unthinkable. seriously.

one more thing that caught my attention in the grey's finale. the shooter asked the people he met whether or not they were surgeons. if the answer is yes, he shoots. this closely mirrors the rumors that surfaced during the aftermath of the columbine shootings, that the shooters asked the people if they believed in God, and if yes, they shoot. the rumors proved to not be true.

however, i thought about if it were true, how do people face such situations with the tremendous amount of courage that is needed. would we all respond like how Peter did, bearing in mind that a positive response would mean suffering, pain and death. or would we stand up for our faith and take the bullet, like so many disciples and apostles and servants of God today did? would we have that courage?

***

and yet i know, there is still hope in prayer as i grow in my faith. as we studied from the book of Jeremiah during YAG retreat, i can't help but change my mind about Jeremiah. i used to think he was really whiny and emo (esp. after studying the book of Lamentations).

but looking at things from a bigger perspective, i can see why the tears came as he prayed. his people were deliberately rebelling against God and not heeding his advice or warnings. Judah was suffering and yet Jeremiah's words fell on deaf ears. what was so outstanding about Jeremiah was how faithful and persevering he was as he served God. despite all that he went through, he still remained a faithful servant, and he constantly went back to God in prayer. that, to me, was really special. and inspiring.

ohhh work. bummer.

i'm constantly reminded that i have been neglecting this space, and penning less thoughts here. i still have the kings of convenience concert to archive. tomorrow, i head to esplanade theater to catch 'the tempest', this year's bridge project installment. and that will, hopefully, be followed by a good review (much like last year's 'the winter's tale'). and again, that reminds me, i didn't review the 2nd play of the bridge project's double-bill - chekov's 'the cherry orchard' after i saw it in london.

HOKAY. so easter came and went. i promise, i promise i will pen my thoughts down (here or elsewhere). the easter musical, again, moved me so much with its narrative and songs. it's just so amazing how songs, lyrics and music can move people and stir emotions.

finally bought my air tickets to zurich, which is my connecting city to scandinavia. quite a good bargain i must say - $1.6k return on the singapore airlines A380. now it's about finding my other flights, trains and cruises, plus excursions to neighbouring towns and norwegian fjords.

going on this trip means forgoing a study trip to hokkaido with science teachers association of singapore, which is totally expensive, but totally interesting. but to console myself, scandinavia is a pretty good thing too, plus i get to go for my singapore arts fest concerts and dances (yay joshua bell).

i'm being super tied down by work and more admin sai gang. but the Lord graciously gives me strength that is renewed with each new day. :) more to come.

cherry.

cherry blossoms at the UW campus

april 2007

seattle, washington

it's the time of the year where the cherry blossoms bloom everywhere. here a different species bloom, and though they aren't the sakura, they are beautiful nonetheless.

today i drove along bedok road on my way home (after detouring to get starbucks), and was so amazed to see the entire road lined with cherry blossom petals that fell during the rain.

i'm reminded of 2 things. how much i miss seattle, and how beautiful God's creations are. :)

i know i owe Him everything.

the 4 most powerful lines this easter musical that moves my sinful heart everytime i sing it and hear it.

how could i know the mystery of grace /
how love could hold Him there, dying in my place /
but everytime i see those labored footsteps, all His suffering /
i know i owe Him everything.

what power. what sacrifice. what love.

Be still.

University of Washington campus
Seattle, WA
Spring 2007

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on your side. 
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;  
leave to your God to order and provide;
in every change He faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul: your best, your heavenly friend
through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

The soul is weary. Desperate for a place to hide and rest in His grace.

muse-zik - the best rock gig ever.

so one week after andrew bird at esplanade, i attended 2 more gigs. prior to gig #1, i've ranked coldplay's viva gig to be at the top of my best live gigs ever attended for rock bands. but muse really blew me away, in the most simple form, without gimmicks, small talk and expensive stage production.

the concert was big night out - headlined by muse and supported by saosin and rise against. saosin was the weaker of the 2. lead singer did not have the presence, voice and banter skills yet. the band wasn't in sync with the (some) of the audience. but rise against was surprisingly good. good lead singer, tight band, great songs.

by the time muse took the stage, it was 10pm and everyone perked up immediately and started getting high. my concert buddies, zeh, special J and i (guest appearances by lester and bangjie) were squashed in the middle of the mosh pit among tall people. sigh. but the feeling you get in the pit is different from the sides of the indoor stadium. though tiring, it was exhilarating to rock it out and headbang and dance with fellow moshers.

we predicted the opening song correctly - uprising. but we thought supermassive black hole is gonna be an encore piece, and it ended up as the second song. props to the band for being unpredictable. and even more unpredictable was the good portion of the songs from the 1st 3 albums - showbiz, origin of symmetry and absolution!

words really fail to describe how good muse is live. matt's pitch-perfect voice and his amazing falsetto range (according to muse wiki, reaches A5, which is my top note as well), his bling guitar with the electronic panel and nimble fingers on the guitar riffs, his pretty white upright piano and his nimble fingers again! dom has rocket science precision on the drums and he is a jaw-droppingly good drummer. chris on the bass and backing vocals harmonizes well with matt and his bass lines makes my heart pound with joy. :) the 3 of them are so in sync and so tight, you would think that some of the parts are recorded.

more highlights

map of the problematique was AMAZING. the energy was peaking with SMBH just before MOTP, and it just popped.

sunburn was played on the piano! (and i only saw what happened on youtube)

undisclosed desires, my favorite from the resistance, where i danced along to the awesome song and under the green lights around the stadium.

the singalongs to SMBH, starlight, and well everything else.

MK ultra, again, AMAZING.

closing the encores with a suprising choice - knights of cydonia. something i never expected, but worked out so well. with the visuals at the backdrop and the deafening singalong.

Muse Live in Singapore!

Big Night Out

3rd February 2010

setlist

Uprising

Supermassive Black Hole

Map of the Problematique

Resistance

Interlude

Hysteria

Stockholm Syndrome

Nishe

United States of Eurasia

Sunburn

Helsinki Jam

Undisclosed Desires

MK Ultra

Starlight

Time is Running Out

Unnatural Selection

***

Exogenesis: Symphony, Part 1: Overture

Plug In Baby

Knights of Cydonia

J and i had an extensive discussion in the car about what makes muse so amazing. and as i think about the band, it's really about the music. lyrics, not so much - but credit must be given to them too, for socially conscious and politics-infused lyrics and emo songs (without being overbearing and annoying).

but the music. i've expressed appreciation for how some bands strive to better themselves and their music with each subsequent album. i know bands like maroon 5, keane don't do this. album after album, they sound the same. but bands like coldplay and muse evolve as they mature. and that's why i really love muse's latest album, the resistance. who can write, produce and do an album that has songs with middle-eastern motifs, classic rock, jazz rock, electronica AND classical music (my favorite chopin nocturne!) all thrown in, and still come out coherent and sensational?

***

Rise Against Live in Singapore

Big Night Out

3rd February 2010

setlist

Collapse (Post-Amerika)

Re-Education (Through Labor)

The Good Left Undone

Long Forgotten Sons

Savior

The Dirt Whispered

Audience of One

Prayer of the Refugee

Swing Life Away

Hero of War

Give It All

Ready To Fall

awaiting to muse.

i've so much work to do, that it'll take me awhile (hopefully not too long, lest i forget the euphoric night) to pen down my thoughts of the muse concert, the best live rock gig EVER.

and i'm still awaiting a time where i can watch the very last season premiere of Lost. and i've been conscientiously avoiding all spoilery youtube clips and reviews and recaps and tweets. heh.

and now, listening to muse at work. how else can you relive the night of spectacular, raw talent and music?

Do you wonder where the self resides?

photo // wakingupto

the genius-ness of andrew bird has left me quite contemplative after his gig at the esplanade concert hall on tuesday. going to this concert was really a leap of faith - not knowing the existence of this musical genius before the mosaic marketing bombarded my inbox with emails, thinking that maybe his music would be something i'd like, getting hold of his albums, making the decision "just heck it and buy the tix!", having his songs grow on me as i listen to them at work, and realising that andrew bird is someone you MUST hear live. the studio recordings just doesn't do his songs and the man enough justice.

so late to jump on the wagon, but i'm hooked nonetheless. without music, andrew bird is a somewhat awkward, mumbling, self-deprecating guy who shuffles his feet and avoids eye contact. on stage with the loop pedals, his amazing-sounding violin, guitar and glockenspiel, he's a different man.

andrew (ha we're on a first name basis now, considering how much his music has penetrated my life in so short a time) is the guy who has been playing the violin his whole life. i really admire his ability and talent to take his classical training and venture to a path that is so different from other classically-trained musicians. if you ask me to do something like this with my piano training - i would love to, but the talent just isn't there.

the pizzicato on the violin is amazing. how come no one ever substituted the violin for a ukelele? i'd love to have heard more of the glockenspiel, but when i hear him whistle with the glockenspiel, it sounds totally alike. which brings me to the jaw-dropping ability of his to whistle.

andrew's whistle is nothing like us ordinary folk. his whistling is loud, pitch-perfect, rhythm-perfect, great range and crystal clear. the singing is comparable to his contemporaries (whom i'll mention just a few - jeff buckley, damien rice, the mellow-er styles of jason mraz and rufus wainwright). but the multi-tasking is a sight to see.

from an audience member's point of view, andrew does it all, and he does it so effortlessly. pulling the bow on the violin, singing, hopping to the glockenspiel, stepping on the controls of the loop pedals, picking up the guitar, throwing the guitar behind his back and plucking the violin. this myriad of his tasks on stage is executed to (almost) perfection. but i can imagine it takes lots of concentration and focus to be able to pull all that off. remembering the songs, each refrain to be looped, playing them in the correct order, playing them in the correct rhythm.

it's astounding to me, and i spent the entire concert mesmerized and in awe of the music that is resonating through the halls of esplanade. very glad that the concert was held here. i've attested to the awesome acoustics of the concert hall before, and that only the best of the best musicians can sound good in this hall. true enough, andrew bird sounded brilliant for the entire 100+ minute set.

Andrew Bird - live in singapore

mosaic series by esplanade presents

26 january 2010

setlist

Happy Birthday Song

Why?

Sweet matter (Dark matter/sweetbreads)

A Nervous Tic Motion of the Head to the Left

Natural Disaster

Oh No

Tenuousness

Carrion Suite

Section 8 City

Imitosis

Capital I (inspired by Sesame Street)

Anonanimal

Headsoak

Scythian Empires

***

Oh, Sister (Bob Dylan cover)

Some of These Days I'll Be Gone (Charley Patton cover)

photo // TODAYonlineblogs

the setlist is a good mix of songs. and i particularly enjoyed my favorites from noble beast - natural disaster and oh no. i also loved capital i, dark matter/sweet matter, why? and imitosis (yes the bio geek in me really loves this song). i was particularly captivated with dark/sweet matter (2 versions of the song), and the thought of where the soul/self resides. is it our DNA? our brain (which has white and grey matter, not dark matter)? our heart (which is red)?

but more than that, it was a delight hearing andrew mumble through some banter, including his thoughts on some of his songs. i love to hear songwriters talk about their songs during gigs. andrew is truly a gifted songwriter and musician. his creativity and innovation, so evident as he forms melodies and harmonies that loops through each stanza and chorus, adding a minor tone, embellishing it with different tonalities and sounds. the out-of-the-box use of the violin like a ukelele, the strange mix of instruments, and electronic technology has pushed the boundaries of music, and at the same time, challenged my perspectives of what beautiful music can sound like, rather than what music ought to sound like.

and andrew's songs, to me, are all his thoughts. about the people around him, the gut-wrenching emotions, the social commentary, the philosophy and existentialism, the sights and sounds. his music and lyrics surround him each and every day, and they are one and the same. and i think he becomes so wrapped up in his own music and thoughts, that when he's alone with the music, that's when he's free.

who is this man?

on the day after Christmas, i happened to chance upon a program on discovery channel. a documentary titled 'who was Jesus?'. it was fascinating as 3 academics from universities in the US and Jerusalem went on a discovery around Jerusalem to all the sites. among many things discussed (largely from a scientific point of view), they talked about how Jesus would have looked liked according to physical anthropologists, excavated skulls and skeletons and the genetic pool of the people who lived 2009 years ago. archaeologists were also interviewed as they unearthed sites like Pilate's home where Jesus was sentenced to be crucified etc.

more than that, they also explored the process of the crucifixion, and what the body went through as the process was carried out. no doubt Jesus was the Son of God, but he had a mortal body and he went through pain and suffering too. so scientists now subjected bodies that were donated to science to the crucifixion process, plus a single evidence that was found - a heel bone with a nail driven through it.

MRI imaging shows that the nail is driven into the heel bone as it was the position that would have hurt the most, because of the intricate network of nerves that resides there.

i was greatly moved when i tried to imagine what Jesus must have gone through. the pain, suffering that was upon Him as He died slowly on the cross. tears came. and this christmas season, i'm once again reminded of who Jesus is. and how my wretchedness and sins have been washed away. and how i can be reconciled with God and receive the forgiveness that is so richly undeserved.

You laid aside your majesty

Gave up everything for me

Suffered at the hands

of those You have created

You took all my guilt and shame

When You died and rose again

Now today You reign

In Heaven and earth exalted

I really want to worship You my Lord

You opened up my heart and i am Yours

Forever and ever

I will love You

You are the only One who died for me

Gave Your life to set me free

So i lift my voice to You

In adoration

insidious.

i'm pretty sure the state of drunkenness and what it brings are the manifestation of everything that is wrong with man.

my friends know that i drink alcohol. my house has a big cabinet stocked with most hard liquors - several bottles of vodka, whiskey, rum, gin, martini, brandy, XO etc. and we have a fridge stocked with bottles and bottles of red wine, white wine, rose, champagne and beer.

at home, we have wine with dinners. we pop champagne when there's a special occasion (like my 21st party). and when friends come over, we mix some cocktails and chill. alcohol with the right mixers, alcohol with the right food, alcohol cooked with the right ingredients, can be a great delight and an art form to appreciate.

today i saw in the newspapers, photos of people passing out - dead drunk - on the beaches of sentosa from zouk out. the article reported that even when puke was everywhere, a guy was quoted, saying what's a party without drunk people?

how is randomly making out with some guy, or waking up with puke-stained clothes fun and exciting?

through my stay in hall and elsewhere, i've witnessed just about everything that's wrong with mankind. ok not everything. but i've seen excessive amounts of alcohol breaking up relationships, tarnishing reputations, and causing otherwise-sane-and-nice people to fall into the clutches of the evil one and sinning.

it all becomes real when the worst happens to someone you love - falling down a flight of stairs, a pool of blood around the head, skull cracked, 2-day coma and a life changed forever.

and the more insidious thing about this - is that our society thinks it's ok. it's ok to consume all that alcohol in the name of having fun, relaxing, or drowning one's troubles. all that peer pressure is the devil's way of ensnaring us. his ways are subtle, inconspicuous, and disguised in the name of innocence and fun.

as i grow older (and grow in my faith and knowledge of the Lord's Word), i see the depth of the words of life, i see how it applies to my life, and how uplifting it is. some time ago at ypg, pastor mitch challenged us to memorise 2 verses, out of which 1 is this one below. it really amazes me how the same verse can mean different things to you at different points of your life.

"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses,
let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us,
and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,"
Hebrews 12:1

and now that this verse is in my heart, i shall resolve to lay aside the sin which so easily ensnares us, and to run the race of life looking to Jesus. and my prayer for all to do the same, and not let these sins rule their lives. excessive alcohol included.

created in His image.

a good time to be reminded once again. this verse shall carry my weary soul till next year.

"Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness;
let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air,
and over the cattle, over all the earth
and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.”

So God created man in His own image;
in the image of God He created him;
male and female He created them.

Then God blessed them, and God said to them,
“Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it;
have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air,
and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”"

- Genesis 1:26-28

the travel itch.

A part of Lake Crescent
Olympic National Park
Washington, USA
Summer, 2007

itching to travel again, but too many things going on in december.

i miss road trips. i miss my crazy road trip days in US. where i can have a crazy idea, hop out and rent a car, plan the route, drive to safeway to buy food, pile into the car and just drive. and within hours, i'm surrounded by amazing views, a thousand and one things to see, do and explore.

when you live on an island of a small country, this is what you yearn for.

well anyway, thoughts this weekend:

#1 - new moon the movie was much better than i had anticipated. and the movie is 1000x better than the book, which i hated. so there it goes. sister and i were hoping we wouldn't run into our students in the theater. :)

#2 - just finished watching CNN heroes, the tribute. as always, anderson cooper is too cute in his head of silver-white hair. but more than that, the inspiring stories that showcase how amazing and how far a single person or a group of persons can go to reach out to those in need.

orphans in east timor, the homeless that go hungry in new york city, children in need of prosthetic limbs, iraqi children in need of wheelchairs, women and children in zimbabwe that are raped at 6 years old by 18 HIV-positive men, women without health insurance that need mammograms and SO MANY MORE.

this beats the nobel peace prize.

#3 - choices. and choosing wisely.

#4 - and recapping:

"I beseech you therefore, brethren,
by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice,
holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service."
- Romans 12:1

say cheese!

oreo cheesecake for dad's birthday

decided to post up my oreo cheesecake recipe after sam requested for it all the way from perth. :) since i have the soft copy, might as well share the joy right. christmas is coming is coming afterall. and i'm celebrating by listening to old bethany christmas concert songs and reminiscing about the good old days. and looking forward with much excitement and joy to this year's musical, and honouring the Lord and His tender grace upon me this year. :)

i had trouble looking for a reliable oreo cheesecake recipe - my usual suspects (nigella, hummingbird bakery, jamie oliver, and i even checked anthony bourdain! knowing full well he wouldn't have one in his les halles cookbook) didn't have one. so i decided to use nigella's new york cheesecake ('cos it was so successful everytime) and invent my own oreo crust.

Enjoy! :)

a 70th birthday oreo cheesecake

Ingredients for the base:
250g oreo biscuits, without cream (estimated)
150g unsalted butter, melted
3 tablespoons caster sugar (reduced sugar version: 2 tbsps)

For the cake:
23cm springform tin (from phoon huat)
250g caster sugar (reduced sugar version: 175g)
2 tablespoons corn flour
750g cream cheese
6 large eggs, separated
2 teaspoons vanilla extract (i usually put in 1 more teaspoon cos i love vanilla so much)
150ml double cream
150ml sour cream (can be replaced with another 150ml double cream)
½ teaspoon salt (just pinch)
zest of 1 lemon
icing sugar for dusting
strawberries, raspberries or blackberries to serve/garnish

The Baking!
1. Mix together the crushed biscuits, melted butter and 3 tablespoons of sugar
2. Press into the base of the springform tin
3. Leave in the fridge for ½ hour

4. Preheat oven 170 degree celsius
5. In a large bowl, mix together the caster sugar and corn flour.
6. Beat in the cream cheese, egg yolks, vanilla either by hand or electric beater
7. Slowly pour in both creams, beating constantly
8. Add the salt and lemon zest
9. Whisk the egg whites to stiff peaks, then fold into the cheese mixture.
10. Scoop onto the chilled base
11. Bake for 1-1.5 hours without opening the oven door, until the cheesecake is golden brown on top.
12. Turn off the heat and let the cake stand in the oven for 2 more hours.
13. Open the oven door and let it stand for a further 1 hour.
14. Serve chilled, dusted with icing sugar. Garnish with fresh fruits.

Serves 12-14

Notes:
as always i would reduce the sugar amounts dramatically.

the first 2 times i followed exactly, but this time i was tired of having left-over sour and double cream. so i experimented doing away with sour cream and replacing it with double cream. so i used the entire 300ml cup of double cream, plus reducing the sugar a little more to combat the sweetness and it turned out well.

step #9 is something that nigella says will ensure that the cheesecake is less dense and light and fluffy. so be sure to whisk till stiff peaks. it really makes a difference!

I know the baking procedure sounds super troublesome. but i never questioned it, and following the steps ensured that my cheesecake turned out awesome.

ray of sunshine.

rays of sunshine
view from the top of the spanish steps
rome, italy
summer'08

*Sometimes the sun shines on other people's houses and not mine
Somedays the clouds paint the sky all gray it takes away the summer time
and somehow the sun keeps shining upon you while i struggle to get mine
if there's a light in everybody, send out your ray of sunshine*

i want to walk the same roads as everyone else
through the trees and past the gates
getting high on heavenly breezes
and making new friends along the way
i won't ask much of nobody
i'm just here to sing along
and make my mistakes look gracious
and learn some lessons from my wrongs

Sometimes the sun shines on other people's houses and not mine
Somedays the clouds paint the sky all gray it takes away the summer time
while the sun keeps shining upon you while i'm kindly standing by
a little light never hurt nobody send out a ray of sunshine

Ohh if this little light of mine combined with yours today
how many watts could we 'luminate
how many villages could we save
well my umbrella is tried of the weather wearing me down
well look at me now, look at me now

you should look as good as your outlook
would you mind if i took some time
to soak up your light, your beautiful light,
you got a paradise inside
i get hungry for love and thirsty for life
but much too full on the pain
when i look to the sky to help me
and it often looks like rain

*

you're undeniably warm, cerulean
you're perfect in design
i hope you hang around

so the sun it can shine on me
and the clouds can all roll away
and the sky can become our possibility

'cause there's a light in everybody
send out your ray of sunshine
- jason mraz

say a little prayer.

today, tears fell as i talked to 4 of my girls. 3 of them openly teared uncontrollably, and i had no heart to tell them to stop. so instead, i stopped talking and let them cry.

later the 4th one admitted, she thought it was weird to cry over the stresses of school work. so she cries at home, where her sister is around to lend her a shoulder.

what started off as a extended-remedial session turned into an impromptu do-not-despair-there's-still-hope session. i experienced first hand how important my job is, fearing that the inability to cope with stress could drive my sweet girls to horrible consequences. i drew on past experience to help them understand the things they are going through. and i hope i did something right - and helped them to strive to cope with the demands of their school work, exams, and everything else. to be resilient. so they can be better prepared for what life brings.

but i also realised it's hard not to bring in God and His strength and comfort. looking back, He has blessed me during my times in JC, even when i turned away from Him, even when i did not seek Him. i don't remember being unable to cope with the heavy demands of 4 A level subjects, students' council, band and everything else. retrospectively, i can attribute these blessings to God's invisible hand in my life.

as i spoke to my girls, i'm fighting the urge not to bring in the comfort that God brings - because i know my limits of teaching in a secular school, and that i was talking to my students in school. i know God's power and His grace will be a source of comfort to them in this difficult time. but i know just about the only thing i can do is to pray for them, and to be there for them. and that's a start.

I've always treasured verses like these, from Deuteronomy. this week's memory verse:

"You must not fear them, for the Lord your God Himself fights for you."
Deuteronomy 3:22

***

last week during bethany's mid-autumn festival celebrations, pastor and i bonded over the simplest of things. tea. and it came out of nowhere, but inexplicably it brought a great sense of joy to my heart. strange.

pairing different chinese teas with different cuisines is just like pairing different wines to different meats. a certain tea (long jing) is good for sweet desserts - like mooncakes. and pastor and i very excitedly discussed why this is so. or rather, i told him how the taste went and it was right on the money! then later, he brewed another pot of a different tea (tie kuan yin), came over to the group i was chatting with, pulled me away and got me to try it. :) pastor's so cute. and i went away learning more about teas, making sure to ask him about teas more often, and making a mental note to buy him chinese teas when i travel to china.

i've always treasured pastor and His ministry and service to the Lord as our pastor. of late, i've realised how precious this fact is. from seeing how other pastors from other churches conduct funeral services, and realising how pastor takes the effort to tailor each message to suit the subject (funeral, wedding, baptism etc.) and the audience, how he makes an effort to get to know the youngest of children to the oldest of our brethren.

and just last weekend, how he strives to do the Lord's work despite his health. on friday, i received news of pastor's condition (bell's palsy) that rendered half of his face paralysed. after much prayer, i thought he would be resting at home, receiving treatment and medication. but i saw him in the lift on sat evening, leaving church. and i was stunned. pastor came to work just a day after his diagnosis. i thought he wouldn't be preaching from the pulpit on sunday - but he did. i thought pastor mark/mitch would be teaching us in catechism class on sunday afternoon - but he came in and taught us from Philippians 2, on humility. and i was struck again and again by his utmost dedication. plus the joy that is so evident when he is serving the Lord.

"Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus,
who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God,
but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant,
and coming in the likeness of men.
And being found in appearance as a man,
He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death,
even the death of the cross."
Philippians 2:5-8

in Jesus we have the example of true humility - and despite the fact that Jesus had EVERY reason in the world to be proud, (and we, as humans, have NO REASON whatsoever to be proud), He humbled Himself, became a servant, and was obedient to the point of His death on the cross. and pastor really conducts himself according to his faith. and he is the example for us all. and that's why he and his ministry are so precious to me. and i'm sure, to many of us. :)

that summer's moving on.

beach, facing the north sea
st. andrew's, scotland
summer'08

How the time passed away
All the trouble that we gave
And all those days we spent out by the lake
Has it all gone to waste?
All the promises we made
One by one they vanished just the same

Now it all seems so clear
There's nothing left to fear
So we made our way by finding what was real
Now the days are so long
That summer's moving on
We reach for something that's already gone

*All the things I still remember
Summer's never looked the same
Years go by and time just seems to fly
But the memories remain

In the middle of September
We'd still play out in the rain
Nothing to lose but everything to gain
Reflecting now on how things could've been
It was worth it in the end*

- September, Daughtry

longing for the carefree days of summer.
travelling and seeing the world.

time just seems to fly.
but the memories remain.

:)

the bonds of gratitude.

dusk at marina barrage
singapore
july'09

's been a long time since i was here. it's been a flurry of activity starting work and all. coupled with stealing time off to have a family picnic, or the birthday celebrations with all my dearest friends. work can be quite crazy but somehow, i enjoy my busy days. it's a love-hate relationship.

though there's always a time everyday that i hate my job. the first 10minutes after i force myself out of bed. working 10-12 hour days everyday, 5 days a week, is no joke.

but with the Lord's grace and strength i will make it. :)

***

well normally when i'm feeling bored, or when i get the travel itch, i'd come here, post a pretty picture that i took during my travels, write a bit and go back to what i'm doing. nowadays, apart from work, i go out or i try and finish my mammoth 4-season marathon of House.

as a result, this has been empty for awhile. and only something thought-provoking would bring me here.

via mr brown's twitter, i came across an article posted on a local e-journal of sorts. and being a sort-of scholar myself, i took it to myself to read the entire article, which was very very long. you'd think the author, a published author, writer and english major in northwestern many years ago and ex-teacher, would appreciate concision and some form of structure and organization in her essay.

anyway, she laments about her not making an informed decision when she signed on that dotted line when she was 19years old, and later being confined to the red tape of bureaucracy, forced to conform to government protocols, ideals and concepts.

later, she muses about how an overseas college education can profoundly change a person. and in that process, she had changed. and she resented her bond period, but still dutifully executed her responsibilities. she was the 'reluctant stayer', even when in her heart, she was a 'quitter', at least according to our PM.

don't think this summary does the article justice. so go read if you're interested.

my points. i agree with many points of view. and disagree. i'm sure many scholars would whole-heartedly applaud. but i do beg to differ.

1. at the beginning of it all, we made the choice to sign on the dotted line. we had all the time, the reasoning, the brain that God has given us to exercise free will. and whether we have made an informed decision or not, the onus lies with us to live with our decision.

if we were ignorant of the consequences, the job that awaits us or if we haven't given serious thought about the 6-year bond period or the 6-figure liquidated damages awaiting us should we quit, then the fault lies with no one, but us.

2. i'm one of the firm believers of quality teachers vs quantity. it's part of my idealistic nature, but the cynic in me says it's impossible. even with scholars, even with the best grades and the most amazing CVs, when your heart is not with teaching, you are not suitable. period. and for a scholar who resents that bond period, counting the days, i'd rather see your students in the hands of someone who has the heart for teaching.

3. fact of life - you can never escape politics and bureaucracy. it's everywhere. enough said.

4. i agree with all my heart, a college education changes one in ways that may still be invisible to us. years spent in classes, labs, project meetings, FYP madness, hall suppers, late-night production rehearsals, inter-school/hall games, illegal bbqs on school property, organizing events, midnight birthday sabo parties, mahjong sessions, cooking and drinking parties.

but having said that, the privilege of receiving a college education is not something that is available to all. some work their butts off to get into university. and for someone who has had the silver platter handed to (me included), shouldn't we be just the least bit thankful?

5. which brings me to my final point - on gratitude. without my sort-of scholarship, an award actually, i would never had been able to save my parents from footing my tuition fees AND give me allowance. my parent's money can be put to better use. i wouldn't be exposed to teaching attachments to reaffirm my decision of becoming a teacher. and i wouldn't have to look for a job in uncertain times.

and more importantly, i wouldn't be able to get an allowance top-up when i went on exchange, and enjoy my time in the US that much more. :) haha. and this 6-month stint in seattle did change me, widen my perspectives and made me realise - i have so much to be thankful for.

jason mraz is one of my favorite singers in the world. he's super talented, has a great voice, writes songs amazingly well. while i don't always agree with some parts of his lifestyle (eg. eating only raw food, argh; his spiritual beliefs are kind of strange etc.), but something i've always appreciated him for, is his continued reminders to be thankful. thankful for the people around us. for the world around us. to show gratitude for things that you have taken for granted.

from my perspective, i thank God for His grace and faithfulness. He has created all things, cared for all things, and abides with me everyday. When i was contemplating about accepting the award vs appealing into medical school, He allowed me to make an informed decision through prayer, meditation and placed people in my life who fed me sound advice. even as a very young Christian who was so far from being perfect and sinless, His faithfulness never faltered.

and because i was at peace with my decision, signing on the dotted line was easy. it was the best offer ever - to get paid to do something i love. even in the midst of difficulties, emotional turmoils, neverending work, horrible students who refuse to listen, i know my decision was right, and i know God will be there to strengthen me for the things to come.

and that is why, the next 3 years of my bond period should fly by pretty quickly. and i stick to my choice.

old english town.

flowers along lake road
windermere, britain

love spring and summer. flowers bloom. blue skies. the sun shines and yet the temperature hovers around 21C.

back to reality. of temperature screenings, work emails, admin, unpacking, getting rid of jet lag, editing photos and whatnot.

***

highlights of london'09

• watching ethan hawke, rebecca hall and company for a 2nd time this year, in the 2nd play of the double bill production by the old vic. i watched the winter's tale (shakespeare) in singapore for SGD123, and the cherry orchard (chekhov) in london for SGD20. ok the seats were crappy but i had no choice. theatre was full. nevertheless it was good, but i think the winter's tale was more gut-wrenching and emotional. although a plus point of cherry orchard is that ethan had a more meaty role. :)
• hanging out with the sister, after so long. we had our own marks&spencer dinner in her cosy apartment after cherry orchard when everyone else had fallen asleep. some yummy meatballs, salad and red wine.
• shopping was fabulous. the pound exchange rate was favorable and i shopped like a crazy woman at H&M. also bought lots of presents and stuff at harrods, whittard of chelsea, gucci (sale!), absolute vintage etc.
• watched wicked for the 2nd time with the sister, cousin-in-law and niece. ahhh sister and i were so deliriously happy after the musical. (and before too). i remember why i love the musical so much. and it was good to hear the witty dialogue again. also bought some merch (don't care if it's super ex!).
• the sister's cosy apartment with 10000 cable channels, pretty flowers, wooden floors for the living room, carpet floors for the bedroom, nice toilet, endless supply of wine, whisky, ginger ale, snacks and a well-stocked kitchen. :) we watched movies and tv shows on cable almost every night.
  
• taking the red london buses everywhere. i realise i should take buses more often when i travel rather than the tube/subway/metro/trains. they go underground and you can't see the sights and hear the sounds. with the bus i got to see the sights around london, saw how londoners lived their lives.
• exploring nooks and corners of london on my own. enjoying the beautiful weather. not a foggy day in sight!

well more highlights to come.

speaking of london, MJ was due to hold 50 concerts in london next month. and i remember lamenting not being able to afford/attend/get tickets for the concert. and i woke up today to sad news of his death. while i was supicious about his alleged accusations of child molestation and whatnot years ago, i can't deny his great influence on pop music and dance. that influence lasts till today and will continue through the years. his music and songs, often filled with socially-conscious lyrics (see Man In The Mirror, my all-time favorite; Heal the World, another favorite; Black or White, another favorite; Will You Be There, also another favorite).

as i tweeted earlier, my 1st memory of MJ is rocking out to the beats of Black or White. that was probably in primary school. and my 2nd memory of MJ was listening to 'Will You Be There' at the end of Free Willy the movie. and falling in love with the song.

i leave you with some lyrics to Man In The Mirror. :) respecting a great pop legend that paved the way for music that will inspire and transcend through the generations.

As I turned up the collar on
A favorite winter coat
This wind is blowin' my mind
I see the kids in the street
With not enough to eat
Who am I to be blind
Pretending not to see their needs

...

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change.